A Collision of Hearts and Heroes

Chapter 18

Clarissa's POV

Crumbled

The moment I got home, I spent the entire night reflecting on everything that happened. Wala akong pinagsisihan sa naging desisyon ko dahil kahit saan ko titingnan ay hindi talaga pwede. It's painful on my part, but choosing a different way would only complicate things. Kaya kahit gaano ko kagustong bawiin ang ginawa ko nang gabing 'yon ay hindi ko magawa.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Zedi asked me when she might notice me constantly spacing out.

We were inside the office, and I wasn't even in my right state of mind for thinking about what happened yesterday night. Paulit-ulit naglalaro sa isipan ko ang pagyakap niya sa akin. I longed to feel that kind of warmth once more, yet the heartbreaking truth was that I couldn't.

I heaved a deep sigh. "Ngayon hindi na."

"That's it. Don't hold your emotions." Aniya.

"Ngayon alam ko na ang pakiramdam ng gusto mong makasama ang isang tao, pero hindi na pwede," I retorted and I leaned my back on the swivel chair.

"If it isn't because of Lyle, would you allow him to court you?" Zedi asked.

Ngumuso ako sandali bago tumango. I have seen his red flags back then—and it had wounded me—but after knowing his reasons, I feel like I need to give him chances to prove himself. I understood where he was coming from when he said he wanted to spoil me and provide me a life of comfort and luxury.

"So, isasantabi mo nalang ang nakita mo noong Cosplay Night?" May halong paninimbang ang tanong ni Zedi.

"Syempre hindi. I'll have him explain, but right now it's different. Hindi ko nalang din siya tatanongin dahil wala namang magbabago." Bahagya akong ngumuso. "Zed, you know what?" I turned the swivel chair facing her. "I kinda feel guilty for judging Gasper too much. Gets ko na na hindi niya intensyong saktan ako. He was only torn between his relationship with Lyle and his feelings towards me... Kumbaga, he knows the bro code, that's why he's also having a hard time making decisions."

"And based on what you shared, it seems like your lifestyle makes him feel a bit pressured—not exactly intimidated, but challenged. He wants to be the kind of man who feels worthy of your life of comfort and luxury," she said.

I heaved a deep sigh. "Kaya nga. Pero hindi naman big deal 'yon sa akin. I can afford my expenses—makakaya ko pa nga siyang buhayin, e."

Zedi laughed. "Talagang bubuhayin mo pa 'yong lalaking may prinsipyo, ha? Kaya nga nagsusumikap 'yon para ma-spoil ka."

"Over naman na para sa akin." Ngumiwi ako at inikot ang swivel chair paharap sa MacBook. "Romantic relationship na sana naging bato pa." I randomly said, which made Zedi laugh.

It's already past 5 PM, so I shut my MacBook down and prepared to leave. Sabay kami ni Zedi umalis, ngunit pareho kaming natigilan nang makarating sa may parking lot. I couldn't explain what I felt as I looked at Gasper and Lyle standing there, both holding bouquets. Zedi told me she will go first—perhaps to give us some privacy. Gusto ko siyang pigilan pero tuloy-tuloy siyang naglakad palayo.

Bro, what the fuck? Can I go with her nalang, and act as if I hadn't seen them?

"This is for you..." Lyle muttered after seconds of silence.

"I brought this for you..." Si Gasper naman.

I never envisioned them in this situation. Looking at them right now got me so confused. Akala ko ba maayos na dahil nakapag-usap na kami? They really took their rivalry seriously, and it was driving me crazy. Ano bang gusto ng dalawang 'to? Ang magkakagulo nang malala?