A Collision of Hearts and Heroes

Chapter 21

Clarissa's POV

Ceased

I checked my watch again. Five minutes late. Ten. My eyes darted to the path every few seconds, scanning for any sign of him. Lyle agreed to meet me today, but he wasn't here yet. Pinaglalaruan ko ang maliit na bato gamit ang paa ko habang naghihintay sa kanya rito sa park. Siguro ay may hindi lang inaasahang pangyayari kaya siya natagalan.

I have settled things with Gasper, so I'm about to do it with Lyle as well. Nagawa ko na ito nang ilang beses sa kanilang dalawa ngunit hindi ko alam na masakit pa rin pala talaga. My hands were clammy, and my chest tight, but I told myself that facing this was better than letting it linger. And I guess this is the bravest decision I have ever made.

Habang nakatingin sa sapatos kong pinaglalaruan ang bato ay nahagip ng tingin ko ang dalawang pares ng paa sa tabi ko. I looked up and saw Lyle with a faint smile. I felt relieved after seeing him this way.

"Sorry, may pinagawa pa kasi kaya natagalan," saad niya habang umuupo sa tabi ko.

"It's okay, Lyle. Hindi naman ako nagmamadali." I responded with a slight smile.

We fell into silence after that. Nangibabaw ang boses ng mga batang nagtatawanan na naglalaro sa loob ng park. Sumasabay din ang ingay ng tubig galing sa fountain, kaluskos ng mga dahon kapag humahangin, at tawanan at usapan ng ibang tao.

"You came to see me to quit," basag ni Lyle sa katahimikan naming dalawa.

I immediately looked at him after he said that. He did not say it specifically, but I already understood what he meant by it. Sandali akong nag-iwas ng tingin.

"Don't worry, I understand now." He spoke. "I already prepared myself that the moment you choose him, that's the endpoint. H'wag ka mag-alala, ire-respeto ko naman kayong dalawa."

"Walang dapat na piliin, Lyle." Saad ko. "Yes, I came here to tell you to quit, not because I'm choosing him over you, but to end the commotion between the three of us."

"Wala ka ngang pinili, pero alam kong siya at siya pa rin ang nagwagi."

Then it hits me. I did not choose any of them, but the affection I felt for Gasper made it clear that he was the one my heart had chosen. Alam kong hindi ko kasalanan na si Gasper talaga ang nagustuhan ko, pero hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili na masaktan at makonsensya.

"I'm not blaming you, okay?" Agap niya nang siguro'y maramdamang nag-iba ang ekspresyon ko. "Walang may kasalanan nito at hindi ako galit sa 'yo," he added. "It's Gasper whom you love, and you have nothing to feel guilty about it. Siya 'yong gusto mo kaya tama lang na siya ang piliin mo."

He shifted on his seat so he could see me. He then gently lifted my chin to ensure our eyes met. In that moment, our eyes locked, and all I could discern in his gaze was pain intermingled with pure sincerity.

"I know he's great at loving someone, so I can guarantee that he will love you exactly how you wish to be loved." The warmth in his tone made the words lighter. "Alam kong hindi talaga ako, pero gusto kong mapunta ka sa taong alam kong mamahalin at iingatan ka nang tama... At siya 'yon."

My tears fell in an instant. The pain runs profound. Because what do you mean, Lyle uttered those so lightly, as if he wasn't hurting deep inside? I could only imagine how much pain he was trying to conceal, just to voice those out so genuinely. Nadudurog siya, pero ang nasa isip niya pa rin ay ang kapakanan ko. He was so selfless, and I don't deserve him.

Both Lyle and Gasper are great in terms of love, and it breaks my heart knowing I've hurt them. They truly deserve so much more than what I've given them.