chaotic life

9 last day

Isha's P.O.V

As I proceed downstairs, I can't help but think about my parents' conversation. No matter the amount of time I spend distracting myself I can't do it. 

It's there, nagging me. Finishing up dinner like usual, me and mumma go for our routine post dinner walk, which in some way I dreaded today, cause even though it's inevitable  but it's the reality. The conversation that took place was real, I wasn't hallucinating, it happened and now it will be dictated to me. 

That's the story of almost every single Indian girl, even after such a long time of independence they are still dictated to at their homes.  Be it by their father, mother, or any one else. 

You must be wondering why my mumma will tell me this and not my papa then let me tell you, he directly speaks to me when he deems necessary. Yes my father is present but only physically not mentally. 

He's just for name. He could never become a father. He never talked to me, never asked me what I was doing, what I wanted. He always saw me as an obligation. Even though we lived in the same house, he remained a stranger to me.

I had to be the understanding one so that I could take care of my brother, ensure that he had no complaints that reached dad. Because all dad remembered was punishment. When I was sick, he would just tell me the names of medicines and leave for the office. He paid the fees, but never asked about my studies.

But before mumma could talk to me regarding this matter, we met our neighbor in between and they both continued to talk, not heeding the time. It was when I reminded mumma that I have an exam tomorrow and need to wake up early did we go back inside. 

Making the bed and completing my night routine, I lay down to sleep, but it seemed far from my eyes. My insomnia has hit me hard today.

As I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, I felt a sense of frustration wash over me. It had been an hour since I had closed my eyes, but sleep seemed to elude me once again.

My mind raced with thoughts and worries, replaying the events of the day and the endless to-do list for tomorrow. I felt a sense of dread at the thought of another sleepless night, knowing that it would only leave me feeling tired and drained the next day.

Very soon I heard some whispering from my parent's side and then  I heard a foil tearing sound. With wide eyes I recognized what's going to happen, it's pitch dark in the room today otherwise my parents would have definitely not done this. There have been a few times in the past where I have heard my parents having intercourse yet every time a weird feeling creeps up on me. 

The sound makes my skin crawl and I feel so uncomfortable and I'm scared to move or go to the toilet because I have a fear that they will think I’m spying on them or trying to hear them.

Now the bed starts shaking a bit along with the sound of heavy breaths increasing, I can't help but be embarrassed.  Yes that's the process due to which I was born but that doesn't mean I would like to listen to my parents go on with it, at least not now when I have so much on my plate already. 

No they aren't wrong, neither am I. It's just differences between us. Having intercourse with your partner is a normal thing, it's a way to show love to your spouse. 

Don't know when, amidst all this over thinking I slept, though for a couple of hours yet it's better than nothing. 

*Next Morning *

I woke up early, not that it's different from any other day but unlike other days I get up from the bed and start getting ready for my exam. Even though my attention is towards my today's exam yet there is still a lingering tension and uncertainty of the future in my subconscious mind. 

“le dudh pi le”
(here drink this milk) 

Mumma's voice brings me out of my thoughts, quickly finishing some cookies and milk I leave for my exam center. Along with everything going on at home there is one more thing that's bugging me, it's my last day today.

 From tomorrow we won't come here, won't see each other, yes we will call each other but maybe we won't be able to meet, even if we can then it would be occasionally. 

As I looked around at the familiar faces of my classmates and professors, I couldn't help but feel a pang of nostalgia. The memories of late-night study sessions, laughter-filled lunch breaks, and the excitement of new friendships flooded my mind.

I thought about how much I had grown and changed during my time in college – the lessons I had learned, the challenges I had overcome, and the dreams I had dared to chase. I felt a sense of pride in my accomplishments and gratitude for the experiences that had shaped me into the person I had become.

But amidst the nostalgia and pride, there was also a hint of sadness. Saying goodbye to a chapter of  life was never easy, especially one as significant as college. I knew that things would never be the same again, that I would soon be stepping out into the world as a graduate, ready to embark on a new journey.

I was grateful for the friendships I had made, the knowledge I had gained, and the memories we had created. I knew that no matter where life took me, a piece of my heart would always remain in the halls of this college, where my journey had begun.

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