BOUND BY HATRED | Sookook

[19]

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Jisoo's POV

He looked at me in confusion and s lone tear escaped pass his eyes. "Y-you didn't kill her, Jisoo. It wasn't your fault. I...I sorry"

"I know" I smiled, wiping away his tears.

"You know? Then w-why are you here?" He asked, looking so helpless that I wanted nothing more than to comfort him and tell him that it's alright. He doesn't need to blame himself. What he did to me was wrong but I can't leave him alone. He has no one in this world and the girlfriend whom he thought he loved was never completely his. I don't want him to suffer. He deserves someone beside him to take care of his broken heart. I don't know what I'm feeling right now but whatever it is, my heart just doesn't want him to feel any pain.

I know he must be blaming himself for what Lana did to herself but it wasn't his fault.

"Please go away from me, Jisoo. What I did to you was horrible. I won't ever be able to forgive myself for what I did to you. I made all your worst fears true, I'm disgusting, Jisoo. I'm a fucking monster. I deserve to die fit what I did to you. In my rage, I just you in every possible way. I'm so sorry. Please, go away from me. Just think of me as a worst chapter of your life and forget about me. Go meet your mother, finish your PHD and find someone who deserves you. Our marriage was based on nothing but hollowness, you should move on and please forgive me so that you can forget me. Don't waste your time hating someone like me. I am not even worth of your hatred. You are so pure, Jisoo. You came back to me for repaying the mistake which you never committed. You could've never returned but you did because your heart is so pure. And look what I did to you. I've almost taken your life. You know, I became the person I hated most. My parents were killed and I never thought that someday I'll become the killer too. I could've killed you, Jisoo. I fucking could've killed you. I hate myself. Look how many lives I've messed.bmy parents died because of me, Lana died because of me and I hurt you so much..." As he completed his sentence, he broke into tears.

It emotionally hurt me to watch him in so much pain. I know I should never forgive him fir what he did to me but I don't even hate him. For me,  he's just a broken soul like me who's trying to survive. Even if I try, I just can't stay away from him. Maybe it's for him or maybe it's for me. I don't know the exact reason but I need to be with him.

In midst of his revenge, he showed me a side of him that always carved for. The company of someone who'd make my heart happy. And now when I'm deciding to stay with him. It isn't because of my reputation. It's because I couldn't live my life happily when he's suffering. I don't know when he became this important to me but part of my heart will always be pain if I leave him.

"I'm feeling dizzy, can you take me to the bed?" I asked as a sudden nausea hit me.

He took me up in his arms and made me lie down in the bed. "Did you want me to bring the first aid kid from downstairs or are you going to do so?" I asked.

He nodded and went downstairs only to come back with the first aid kit. I gestured him to sit beside me in the bed and he silently did so, Some how. I forced myself to sit leaning to bedpost and took the box from his hand.

"Hurting yourself will bring nothing, you know" I whispered as I continuously removed the glass pieces from his feet. His face show no sign of pain and I remembered the time when we first met and I threw Ramen at him, when I said applying ointments to his wound he didn't react in any way like he's doing now.

Cleaning his wounds, I applied bandages to both his feet and knuckles. I scooted closer to him and applied the ointment to his forehead. His face was barely an inch away from me and I couldn't help but place a kiss on his temple.