BOUND BY HATRED | Sookook

[20]

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"Slowly things started changing in my life and I opened my start up and since then, life's been crazy. I met Lana and fell in love with her or probably I thought I loved her because sometimes she reminded me of the girl who was in my heart. She made me feel that how good it is when someone's around you. And Jisoo, when you told me about your story where you mentioned what I shared with that girl in the woods, my heart was unable to process everything. I looked at your face repeatedly that how come I didn't recognise you? And it became suffocating for me to know that I'm hurting the person who's sole reason behind my existence. I hated you but the old feelings I had in my chest for you, made it impossible for me to hurt you anymore. I know I fucked up but fir a split second I thought that what if we met under normal circumstances? What if we were married out of love? What if I have never hurt you? I became so confused with my inner turmoil that I decide to let you go away from me so that I can save you from myself. I no longer wanted to hurt you after all you were the girl I fell in love with for a long time"

"And when you came back to me that day, I just couldn't tell you how happy i was. Because after you left. I had no reason to live. I had taken the man down who destroyed my family, I had lost Lana and then i lost you too. But your loss felt different l. It was as if I lost myself. I know I'm selfish because when you came back to me and I knew that something was wrong yet I forced my self to not think about it and just be with you. When you cooked food for me, I swear it was the most delicious meal I ever had but I tried to act different"

"When we went to the cafe and you told me about your childhood, my heart ached for you. I wanted to hold you into my arms and tell you that the little Jisoo came a long way. She's survivor. I was so mad at your father and step mother that I wanted to destroy them but you told me not to. I realised that why you wanted to commit suicide back when you were in childhood. I promised to myself that soon I am going to take you to Japan so that you can meet your mother and if you want to stay with her, I'd never come in between and let you live your life happily"

"Your friend, Jinyoung. I was jealous of him being so close to you. When I saw you with him in proximity, I was furious and hurt too. I thought that what if he's your boyfriend or what if you have feelings fur him? But then somehow, I reminded myself that it's your life and I shouldn't interfere. I got drunk and my sanity messed up and I behaved possessively with you. But the second we kissed, I was reminded of how it felt to kiss you in the woods years back when I saved you. And after that when we had sex, I swear my feelings get so intensified that somewhere I started accepting that I'm still in love with you. I forgot everything but you. I was ready to start a fresh life with you if you want to stay with me"

"When you told me about your dream, I had a beautiful thought in my old that how perfect my life would be if you do your PHD and i do my work and then at night when we return home, I'd cook dinner fjr you and at dinner, we'll both discuss how our day went and on weekend, we'll watch your favourite series or movie while cuddling on the couch. My heart felt happy but then that night I got a call from the hospital telling that Lana was pregnant, I don't know what happened to me but I wasn't able to control my anger"

"My mind went black to the past that how my parents were killed and over and over again the same haunting memories kept on repeating through my mind. I wanted to stop them but it became impossible for me. A strange thing came to my mind that my child was killed too, just like my parents. When you came in front of me I lost it all. My heart didn't want to hurt you but I was not able to stop my mind. It felt that if I don't hurt you then I'll lose my sanity. But I swear I never planned that accident to happen"

"I never in my worst rage could thought of putting danger to your life. And when you had the accident, I realised the gravest mistake that I've commited. At that moment I wanted to kill myself. I just couldn't stand the thought that I hurt you and you're fighting for your life"