BOUND BY HATRED | Sookook

[26]

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Jisoo's POV

What the fuck have I done?

I laced back and forth in our room, waiting for Jungkook to return from his office. I didn't hear anything from him since morning and it's already half past twelve in the midnight.

Jungkook was protecting me by not telling me the truth that my father's a goddamn murderer. But I don't feel anything at all for him. He was never the kind of father one could be wish for. He was selfish. He always thought about himself and his reputation. He and step mother ruined my childhood. I don't feel any sort of thing for him and hatred is such a strong word. I don't even want to waste my energy hating someone like him who doesn't even care about his daughter.

It's a surprising that he was against my marriage with Jungkook. If I go there, searching for humanity in him then I'm sure that I'll find it in him for me. He loved me even if it was in his own twisted way. I was disgusted by Jungkook when I got to know that he might've killed people but after leaning that it was my father's doing, that he's the one to kill. I don't feel anything at all.

He was sick. There's no doubt that he won't do something like this.

But in between these, I messed up a lot between me and Jungkook. I didn't even trust him for a second, I didn't even think that maybe it's all lie. I doubted him and then left him. I was repulsed by him and that too for an ugly lie that my whore of a step mother told me. God, I believed her. I believed her but not my own husband.

Why am I so fucked up like this?

I've hurt Jungkook and don't know how to fix all this. I want to apologise to him for leaving him and not for once believing in him but from where should I start? The communication gap between us is getting messier day by day.

What if he didn't see me in restaurant that night and didn't pull that stunt to ask me come to him? What if we never met again? How was j supposed to live with hatred in my heart for that person who loves me with everything he have?

Is it wrong of me to say that I'm glad that he hurt himself that night and forced me to stay with him? Does this makes me horrible person? I sighed.

It's okay, Jisoo. It's not too late. You can always undo the damage. Just tell him you're sorry and ask him to forgive you. Just sorting out everything between you and him because he's the only one for you. If not him there's nothing in this world that leaves out for you.

I gave myself a little pep talk and was about to call him when I heard the footsteps approaching the stairs. I took a deep breath and as soon after the door flew open, there stood him by the doorway. "Jungkook, you're back" I said, the excitement could be heard in my voice.

He maintained a straight face and then walked past by me. He loosened his tie and threw his blazer aside. "Why are you not asleep yet?" Ignoring my question, he asked me back without give me a glance.

"Are we really doing this?" I asked, worrying that he might ignore me again.

After a brief pause, I say again. "I'm sorry. I'm ready sorry. I know I fucked up big this time but please try to understand. It's not about love, Jungkook. I love you from the bottom of my hear-"

"Let it be, Jisoo" He cut me in middle and sat on the bed.

Fine. If you're not ready to listen to me then I do know another way to make you listen to me.

"Do you want me to hurt myself by smashing the bottled over my head or should I drown myself in the water and stop eating food. I can do anything, you know to earn your forgiveness" I said, crossing my hands over my chest.