Maya pov
A week ago I left Jill asleep to take care of business and hell I've not been able to talk to her I'm sure she's pissed as lit but I've been slacking on my shit and im cutting non stop i cant seem to stop and im not blaming lena cause im not in a split or mania i dont know why i keep doing this another reason why i cant see her.
She'll be disappointed
I sit in my bathroom back to my routine clean razors antiseptic and bandages I just feel like it I don't even know why I'm doing this my therapist is sooo done with me at this point if it's not my borderline ass doing shit I'm doing shit
Let's just get done as I start to specifically recut my previous cut over and over blood is everywhere this fuckers sting as I rince my arm in warm water pouring antiseptic on " FUCK " i wince out as it's stings painful then I wipe my arms dabbing cause my hand numb at this point I've been doing this daily not letting them heal.
I start feeling dizzy and I quickly pop my iron supplements no one can find out as I lay down chucking my phone
creativemouth♥️ : niggaaahhh I'll give up ATP
Me : chill mi amor
I replied and turned my phone off to avoid seeing another reply .I've been doing this to her replying to one message then closing my shit.
I decided to open my phone thinking about Jill let me stop sabotaging us.
creativemouth♥️: I fucking hate u dog
Me : do u want a dog?
I replied she sent this like 10 mins ago
creativemouth♥️: can we just break up ATP I don't like this flaky shit
Me : that's not what I want facetime ?
I replied quickly panicking
" We're not breaking up " I told her seriously after she picked up cause who does she think she is
" But u don't like me no more it's cool though" she mentions dismissively
" That's not true ..... I don't even know why am like this " I try to explain
" Cool ... " She just states blankly
" Ouhhh my fucks ..... I'm sorry and I love u I just don't know what's going on with me " I explained again feeling like I could go through that screen
" Who am I talking to ? " she asked making me confused
" What do u mean ? " I asked back
" May right ? " She asked again as she sighed
" U're not taking Ur meds am soo done with u bruv " she yelled at me sucking her teeth loud
" I swear Jill am taking them and No it's Maya I just don't know what's wrong with her " I tell her explaining my situation trying not to yell back
She straight up sized me down
"We're not breaking up bruv u're stuck am sorry....I've just been overwhelmed that's it" I continue explaining and she just flips her phone away frustrating me as I feel like I need new cuts
" I'm not Ur therapist and I can tell u're lying May , and I'm tired of this habit of u not taking care of urself and it affecting me " she says flipping it back covering her face
" Baby I was feeling okay I jus wanted a medication vacation " I told her the truth as I started crying
" I cant with u man ..... u're an old woman acting like a little bitch the fuck is wrong with you ?" She yelled hitting her top with tears with her eyes
old bitch? that was uncalled for
" Chill with that shit young girl " I warned her
" Young girl ? You old cunt " she spat harshly surprising me as she wiped her tears who still says cunt
I feel soo bad making her cry
" I know I've been dismissive and not the best to be with romantically but Cunt ?" I argued and she just huffed looking riled up
" Pushing 30 acting 20 I'm warning you Maya pull this once more and I'm done " she shouted at me once again warningly
damn I'm kinda scared
I sighed loudly " Jill baby .... I'm sorry , and I love you and miss you okay "
" Tell that shit to the birds " she scoffed angrily with her hands back on her face
" You are my bird " I said softly been corny and she just looked up scrunching her face
" That's horrible gay shit" she told me giving me an insulting look
" I could make duck sounds little bird " I try rizzing her from being mad at me
" Don't do that duck shit " she said trying not to smile
" White dad joke? " I asked
" Okayyy...."
" Roses are red violets are blue hen like rooster?" I asked her not knowing what the fuck I just said
" I don't know ..." She replies with attitude
" Beeee- cooooooockssss" I dragged in a clucking chicken sounds imitating them and she busted laughing
" That was not a white one " she yells as continued laughing and I kept telling her dry dad jokes throughout the call .
