A Sealed Warrioress' Diary

Dreamscape

Dear Jesus,

It was as though I was on another planet because everything was in low-resolution duotone. Various shades of grey, ash and black splashed across the horizon, giving this place an eerie glow.

I was minutely aware I was dreaming but it felt like another angle of reality. Where was this place and why was I here?

I made my way around the sparse vegetation until I saw a small stream to my left. My little knowledge of geography reminded me that if a person was lost, the best navigation decision was to follow the flow direction of the nearest water body.

I did just that. That was when I noticed my attire as I walked. The warrior-like outfit was like a familiar second skin, layered over with gossamer silk. I marvelled at the way the dress was in full colour, a contrast to the dull hue of everything surrounding me.

I got to the edge of a cliff where the stream-turned-river cascaded down in a rumbling waterfall. I stood in awe, watching the majestic sight before me.

"Radiance," Your familiar voice that caused my heart to melt each time called. Just the sound of Your voice and the familiar tingling of my cross seals on my shoulders made tears well up in my eyes.

"Lord," I said as I slowly turned. I was greeted by Your glorious, beautiful sight.

You smiled. I couldn't hold myself together anymore. In that moment, everything made sense and I wanted to freeze this time forever.

Your widespread arms invited me in. I broke into a brisk run and embraced You tightly. I felt complete at that moment. This was where I belonged. It had been so long since I met You face to face like this.

"Jesus!" I whispered into the folds of your garment.

"My sealed warrioress!" You said into my hair.

I gave You a wobbly smile. I had to be real, to sincerely tell you everything I felt and had been unwittingly bottling in these past few days. This was my chance.

"Lord, I feel so unworthy of that title. I feel like I've not been doing anything for you lately. I've not been praying enough. I've not been witnessing enough. I feel like I should be doing something but I'm just stuck in my selfish bubble. I feel like there's an avalanche over my head waiting to crash down on me and I'm so unprepared, Lord. So unprepared..."

"Radiance..."

"I'm sorry, Lord. I'm sorry for not loving you as I should. I've not been loving the people around me as I should. It's just getting harder."

My voice broke and I sniffed, my head bowed.

You gently nudged my chin up. Your gaze held in awe.
"I know. And I'm not asking you to be anything or to try to prove yourself worthy of me. I already chose you even when you were not worthy. All I want is for you to trust me to lead you. And you're seriously going to need my guidance for what's coming ahead."

I let out a shaky laughter.
"Why is that not comforting in any way? Why is the world so twisted? There's Brittany and Selina with their trouble. Then there's Lori. I just want to stay here with you forever."

"But I'm with you forever, remember? Emmanuel. Even when you pass through the fire and the flood. This is the season of warfare. I want to reclaim the territories that are rightfully mine that the enemy has laid claim on. And you are my weapon of war to start that chain reaction."

You took my hand in Yours. I could see your nail holes. It caused me to weep even more. You gave so much already for our salvation. Yet, here I was, absolutely clueless as to what I should be doing.