A Sealed Warrioress' Diary

Inside Out

Dear Jesus,

I have often wondered how people who refuse to acknowledge God in their lives survive the hardships and pain of this world.
I'm not trying to justify them, but I guess they find a quasi-source of sustenance. Meanwhile, at this point and forever, it's impossible to imagine a life outside of this bliss I've found in You.

Today, I wrote my last exam paper! I slept quite late, at around 2:00 am, in a bid to finish up my revisions for the course, Pharmacology 202.
Pris, who was meant to keep me company in reading since she has two major papers coming next week, slept off by 11 pm after complaining that she was quite exhausted and drowsy. Kathy finished her exam yesterday, so she has been flexing and chilling about. Portia still has one more paper slated for next week Monday.

Since I had to be in the exam hall before 10:00 am, I was confident I would have a reasonable resting period if I went to bed before 3:00 am.
However, You had other plans. When I noticed I was nodding off though I still had a few more practice questions to revise, I connected my earbuds to my phone and listened to my worship playlist.

The songs that streamed into my ears and spirit soon transported me to a realm where I felt Your tug and pull for intimacy. A few minutes later, as I slammed my course handbook shut, I knew I wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon. Instinctively, I began pacing the living room, worshipping You in tongues.

I worshipped in songs and tongues for a stretch, crying as I poured myself out in worship. I felt overwhelmed by the depth of Your grace that has brought me this far. And I praised You in advance, trusting that You will keep me to the end.
When I stand before You on the final day, I don't want to be ashamed. I want to be able to look into Your beautiful eyes and say, "Lord, we did it!"

My communion grew into a crescendo of tears and groanings. I felt pressed to intercede for all the people that came to mind as Your Spirit led: my parents, my grandma, every individual who is a part of Holy Priesthood, Lori Simons, Aliya and Brianna Miyemu, Abdul Tegan, Dr Ryan Illah and his beautiful wife, Elizabeth, Mr Ezekiel and many other people.

I know for some of the people I listed, this is probably the first time I'm referencing their last names in this diary (minus Mr Ezekiel whose real name remains a mystery ). A couple of weeks ago, I read in a book about how important people felt if you remembered their full names and so I took it upon myself to find out the full names of most of my acquaintances, save their contacts appropriately and use it in my intercession.

Afterwards, for a few minutes I prayed concerning my relationship with You. It is the one and only treasure I never want to lose. I can lose everything else, but I can't survive if I lose You. And I am well aware that the enemy is hell bent on separating me from You, especially considering the cryptic warning Gloria gave me the other day.

I prayed with all my soul to You who is able to keep me from falling. I prayed until I felt the warmth of Your presence fill my heart and body (concentrating in intensity on my shoulders' cross seals).

By the time I was done, it was already 5:00 am. To be sincere, I gasped aloud when I noted the time on my phone. I didn't know I had spent such a long time in Your presence. It was as if time stood still. It had even taken a lot to stop. I just wanted to keep surfing on the wave of Your glory.

Begging You that I wouldn't oversleep, I took my bath and curled up in my bed for a short nap. I woke up by 8:10 am, feeling refreshed. The girls were also up and getting ready for the day.

By 9:00 am, I freshened up. I wanted to slip into a black high-waist skirt and blue-and-white striped shirt, but I sensed that I should change it. You impressed it gently in my heart that I should wear an Ankara print flared gown that I didn't wear often. The main bodice was cream and yellow with coral highlights. The hem and bodice were also adorned with coral embroidery.