I'm currently sitting on my bed checking our newest music video S-Class, I went to go look through the comment to see all the positive feedback. Most of the comments were praising the video's quality. others were talking about how amazing all the other members were, but I couldn't find anything about myself. I wasn't jealous that my members were getting praise, I just felt... sad? I don't really know. Maybe I'm just being emotional like I always am. I feel this urge to do something. I feel this urge to let go of all the stress and anxiety out, I feel this urge to cut.
I get off my bed and go to oped one of my drawers, I pull out a small metal box cutter and go into the bathroom. None of the members are home today, so I don't have to worry about them. I close the bathroom door and go into the bathtub, I take off my pants, revealing all the scars I've made from the past two years. I'm still wearing underwear, though. I hold the blade in my shaky hand, tears welling up in my eyes. I slash it over my thigh, making a decent sized cut. It felt releaving, releaving a weird, painful way.
I continue to make more cuts all across my thighs, blood slowly trickling down my cold legs. At this point, I've probably made about sixteen new cuts, but I still want to do more, I'm not satisfied yet. Besides, a few more wouldn't hurt, right? I once again take the blade to my thigh, peircing the thin layers of skin.
"What are you doing?!" I suddenly hear a voice. I look up to see Han by the door of the bathroom. I didn't know what to do, I just froze in my place, hoping that him being here is just a dream. He had a sad yet disappointed look on his face, I hate it when he does that. He started walking up to me. When he got close, he knelt in front of the tub, looking up at me with sad eyes. I couldn't help but burst into tears at the sight of him. This whole situation was something only for me to know about.
"Hyejin-ah, can you give me the knife, please?" His voice was gentle yet solemn. He was moving his hand towards mine, slowly taking the blade out of my hand. I was still frozen, unable to even think properly right now. "How about we wash your legs and talk, hm?" I just nodded. He took down the removable shower head and turned the water on. He didn't make it too hot, nor did he make it too cold. He made the same temperature as my body heat.
"Come sit." I sat on the edge of the tub while he started to gently rinse the blood off of my legs. "I-i'm sorry." I let out a soft whisper. I don't know why, but I felt extremely guilty. "Don't be sorry about anything, i just want to know why." I stayed quiet until he finished rinsing and drying my legs. He made me go sit on my bed as he was bringing the first-aid kit.
He came into my room with the bag in hand and started to bandage my wounds. "Can you tell me why you're doing this to yourself? You seem to have been doing this for a long time." I knew why I was doing this, but I don't know how to explain it. "Well, I've been doing this the past two years, maybe" a small gasp escaped his lips. "Im doing this to releave stress, and it's just been a good coping mechanism for me." I told him. "Those are definitely not the only reasons," he said. "Well... i do it when i feel emotional or insecure. The reason i did it today was because of the comments. Everyone was being praised except for me, which i know sounds stupid because i wasn't even getting any hate, but I still felt insecure and... nevermind"
"Nothing is stupid. None of this is your fault. You became an idol at a young age, and dealing with all that stress can be hard sometimes, but cutting is never the answer. Trust me. "
Han's pov:
As I finished talking, I saw tears slide down her cheeks, I felt horrible knowing that she had been suffering for so long, and all alone. I wish that I could've helped her, but I didn't. Seeing the tears on her face, I engulfed her in a big hug, kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry that im so easy to make insecure." She sobbed, her words were barely understandable through all the sniffles and whimpers. Hearing her cry this hard made me feel even more guilty.
"Listen, i know this might be hard for you, but i think you'll get through it. I want you to stay a whole six months clean, no self-harm, okay?" "Okay" she sniffled. She continued to cry more and more until about five minutes later. She calmed down.
I hugged her again, this time placing her on my lap and softly kissing her tears away. I brought her head to my chest, letting her sit there for as long as she needed. We sat like this for a while before she finally fell asleep, her face puffy and red, yet as beautiful as ever.
