My brothers girlfriend *Billie Eilish

-10-

"good luck," I whispered to Billie as I turned around. The teacher was just handing out the math exam.

"thanks, you too" Kat mouthed back as she nervously brushed her hair behind her ears. However it turned out she didn't have to be nervous at all because the math exam went very easily for her- she even finished half an hour before everyone else. When she looked at her friends Mani and Billie they both looked super focused so she decided to go outside to see if she find some other people to pass the time.

Later that day.

The doorbell rang and when Kat opened, she was surprised by Billie with a Pitbull in her hand.

"Hi Kitkat, this is Pepper," Billie introduced.

"Hi you cutie," Kat bent down to pet him.

"Oh, he likes you," Billie laughed as Pepper tried to lick Kat and wiggled his tail.

"I didn't know you had a dog," Kat smiled and went back up to hug Billie.

"Yeah, Noah and I are going for a walk with her right now, if you want, you're welcome to join," Billie invited her.

"Sure, I love dogs," Kat agreed as Noah walked to the door and greeted Billie with a kiss.

"How was your math exam by the way?" Kat interrupted their kiss.

"Um good, I guess? I think I was able to answer most of them thanks to you," Billie smiled proudly. "But we'll see. I don't wanna be too confident either"

"Well I am glad if it helped," Kat smiled.

"Yea that's amazing babe," Noah smiled. "Let's go?" He asked as Kat grabbed her jacket, and they made their way outside.

After a walking a while the three of them sat on the edge of the riverbank, their legs dangling over the water as the sun slowly started setting.

"So how have you been, Billie? I haven't seen you in a while," Noah asked her curiously. "I feel like you've been hanging out more with my sister than with me," he joked but there was a sense of truth in his words. 

"yeah, we've been getting close lately," Billie smiled. "But I'm good yea, just feeling a bit drained lately to be honest. How about you?"

"How so?" Noah asked, confused.

"I don't know, I guess I just need to remind myself again that I'm alive somehow," she said, lost in thoughts.

Kat looked at her concerned. Was she not doing okay? Did Kat not notice she was struggling? "You okay, Billie?" Kat then decided to ask her.

Billie flashed her a small, reassuring smile. "Yeah, I'm fine," she replied, though her eyes hinted at a deeper sadness.

"I mean you look pretty alive to me," Noah said, confused.

She looked at him for a second before she replied calmly: "No, I'm existing, not living, there is a difference."

"What is the last moment you truly feel alive?" she asked Kat now, and her eyes sparkled with curiosity and hope, like Kat's answer could be the solution to all of her problems.

"Alive?" Kat asked carefully.

"Yeah, like what lets you know that you're living?" She explained further.

"I'm not sure when I last felt alive," Kat confessed sadly, her mind wandering off to old childhood memories.

"It can be a simple moment," she said, sensing Kat's sadness. Her knee slightly touched Kat's, as her eyes were glued on the river in front of them. "Like when you're standing under a hot shower. Every muscle is relaxed, and the boiling water calms you down as it runs down your neck. Then, out of the blue, you turn the water to ice-cold, and the second the cool water hits your chest, you gasp in shock and it feels like you've been pulled back into reality. You're alive," Billie seemed to be zoning out as she talked, like she was rather talking to herself, but then she turned her gaze towards Kat again.

She looked at her expectantly, waiting patiently for Kat to answer. Kat didn't know what to say; the way she described simple things like intangible, complex situations gave Kat goosebumps.

"Why would I shower cold though, that's uncomfortable as fuck." Noah interrupted, clearly not understanding the idea behind it.

"That's the point," Kat replied dryly and then shifted her attention to Billie again. "I guess everything that gives you adrenaline makes you feel alive, right?"

Her expression changed; she looked like a kid who just found out that Santa doesn't exist. "Why is it that we feel alive when we're scared to die? Like when something drastic, unexpected happens, when we're terrified?"

"That's fucked up," Kat agreed.

"Danger makes us feel alive," she realized. Then she suddenly got excited again. "I'm sure almost being killed or dying in general gives you the greatest adrenaline shot in the world. You'll probably feel more alive than you've ever felt in your life, kinda ironic honestly. " She laughed before her expression got serious again. "That's how I wanna die. I wanna feel alive when I die."

"You're crazy," Noah said.

"Maybe that's why so many kill themselves," Kat ignored him. "It makes them feel alive- at least for a split second. Ironic."

"I think that those people haven't been alive in a really long time and they feel like they never will, so they take the last step and kill their body too."

Her eyes hid a deep sadness, and Kat wondered what was going on in her mind. She stayed quiet for a minute before she picked up the conversation again. "It's not necessarily everything that could kill you that makes you feel alive though. Love can give you that feeling too," Kat countered.

Billie smiled as she slowly took another drag from the cigarette. She deeply inhaled the smoke and exhaled it through her mouth and nostrils as she spoke up again. "Love kills you too, you just realize it too late."

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Y'all I'm tired of waiting for be3
I keep believing random fan theories and turns out they're wrong every time and I'm just getting my hopes up for no reason.

I just have to accept we're never getting Be3. But hey at least we made it into her close friends yay.