Fall Girl

Margot

Dr. Goodwin's words reverberated in my head as I was sitting in his office, struggling with emotions running inside of me. "Kev's return has been a reason for your nightmares he is the reason for your inner turmoil. When he left the Glisten ten years ago, a void has been created in your life. Now he comes back unannounced, and you both interact with each other daily like you both used to do before he left. This makes you realize how much you missed him in these years."

I raised my hand in the air and asked in frustration. "What should I do to stop my nightmares?"

Dr. Goodwin cleared his throat and looked at me thoughtfully. He asked in a soft but questioning voice, "Why don't you talk to him?"

I laughed out loud in my heart but managed to stay calm and respond. "We don't talk."

In my head a voice echoed Yeah, we often do sex  

Dr. Goodwin asked. "But both of you work at the same place. Right?"

I didn't know how to tell Dr. Goodwin that Kev is ignoring me since our last heated encounter, so I started look around and when I didn't find anything to lie to him. I closed my eyes and whined. "I am not sure, but I think I like him."

Dr. Goodwin raised an eyelid and looked like he was thinking. He asked in a slightly careful yet interested way, "Do you think that he liked you too?"

A frustration coursed through me, I responded "It has always been impossible for me to read his freaking rigid face, his poker expressions very difficult for me to understand."

Dr. Goodwin in his soft tone. "There is a possibility that you are the reason he has never been in a serious relationship with anyone."

I started feeling a volcano erupted inside me and I took a deep breath to control my inner destruction. 

"It doesn't matter if he is single or not because he dated different girls at different seasons of the year," There was a noticeable anger in my tone.

Dr. Goodwin said in a soft but observant voice, "You also have never been in a serious relationship with anyone."

As the session progressed, my mind wandered to Kev had mentioned Phil in one of our encounters. It struck me now how Kev had gotten to know about Phil because when I was with Phil, Kev had not been in Glisten. It was a thought that had never occurred to me.

As soon as the session was over, I quietly collected my things and walked outside, my thoughts weighing heavily on me. I was driving away when I got lost in a storm of mixed feelings and didn't know what to do next.

I had a lot of doubts in my mind as I thought about the idea of calling Kev. Would he even answer? And even if he did, how could I bring up Phil without starting a new argument? Even though calling him seemed daunting, also the thought of missing out on the chance ate away at me.

I finally got up the nerve to call him, but the phone went straight to voicemail. I hung up the phone because I felt bad inside and knew I didn't have anything to say or a way to answer the questions that were bothering me.

When I got home, I took a long, hot shower to feel better because I felt beaten. As I came out, feeling better but still having trouble, I saw that my phone was flashing with a missed call from Kev. Even though I felt a rush of hope, I knew that reaching out again would only make me feel even more desperate.

Setting an alarm for the morning and putting my phone under my pillow, I hoped that sleep would help me feel better. I took my medicine and went to bed. As I fell asleep, the weight of doubt hung over me like a heavy blanket.