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3: Sitting on the bridge

I sat down on the ledge with my legs hanging. I think I'm getting way more comfortable here than I should be. I don't know whether I'm comfortable with the idea of being here or with this voice around me.

And I haven't felt comfort in a while. Since, well, you know. Perhaps this is comforting because I know it'll all end soon.

"So, what do you want to tell me?"

I felt like the voice was nearer this time. So, to reassure myself, I decided to imagine that the voice was just someone sitting on my side with their legs hanging, too. Forcing myself not to look at them. Just to spook myself a little bit less.

"Whatever you want to hear, I guess," I replied.

"Diplomatic. How about you tell me what is the thing you miss most about this lovely friendship of yours?" They asked.

"Everything." I shrugged.

"Obviously!" They mocked, their voice getting closer and higher. "Okay, fair; how about this: What is the first thing that comes to mind when you remember her?"

I didn't know what to say. There are just too many emotions to process and handle. I don't believe I can put it into words. Otherwise, maybe therapy would have helped.

I stayed quiet. Shrugging every few seconds.

"Okay then, I'll try to help. Try closing your eyes; let me see what it felt like."

I thought about it for a second; then I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The first thing I saw was her in front of me, doing her little weird dance and laughing about it. Ah, that goofy laugh you would never see elsewhere. Asking her infamous question, 'Why am I weird.'

To which I always thought, 'I'm so happy I bring that out of you,' but never said it out loud. It was always an extreme honor to see that side of her that no one else got the chance to see.

That childish, weird side that I won't even mention to avoid embarrassing her, even though I don't find it embarrassing at all. I actually find it extremely relatable to my own weirdness. And cute.

And also because I want to keep it special between us.

I could see her laughing and singing and dancing, which meant that she was comfortable around me. I was her safe zone. I could see her faking accents and mimicking celebrities. I could see her flawless smile looking at me and me not wanting anything more from life than that.

"I see."

I opened my eyes again, staring once again into the abyss. Everything I saw was gone.

"I'm glad you do. Because there aren't enough words to describe the happiness it felt experiencing all of it."

And again, my heart.

"It must be lovely to have someone be their most authentic selves in front of you and you alone."

"It was." I teared up. My heart. I feel so alone.

"Do you wish she was here now to comfort you?"

I smiled. "She never had to be in the same room as me to comfort me. Knowing she would be there for me whenever I needed her was enough to keep me going. It felt like I was unstoppable just because I knew my friend had my back."

"Did she feel the same way about you?"

"Yeah. Yeah, she did."

"How can you be so sure?"

I hesitated for a second. But no, I know I was her comfort zone, too. Otherwise, why would be here in the first place?

"What you're saying is that this is the root cause of the issue?"