Intoxicated by You

Preparation Pt.1 (TW: SH)

Blake's P.O.V

I wake up feeling like shit, I haven't taken my meds in a few days and it's starting to kick in. I just feel completely run down and depressed not wanting to do anything at all. I don't want to leave bed, don't want to go to training, don't want to be around anyone. But i know that i need to otherwise i just end up feeling worse. I get up hesitantly and get ready i don't even notice Katie is not in the bed beside me, it's like everything is blurred together. After i get ready, i head downstairs to be met by a smiling Katie holding a plate of breakfast for me, I don't have the strength to smile back so instead i just wrap my hands around her as a way to reciprocate her smile. "Everything ok Bubs" she asks concern lacing her voice, 'if im being honest no.' is all i managed to say in return. "When was the last time you have taken your meds?" she asked and i just shrug in response. "Will you take them for me please?", I nod as i let go while she grabs them along with a glass of water and i reluctantly take them. 'I hate that i need to depend on pills to be happy, I am happy with you but for some reason my body does not want to show that' I say getting upset causing Katie to squeeze me into a hug, "I know your happy with me just as i am with you but i also understand that you have experienced far too much in the past and your body doesn't know how to respond to it causing it to shut down." she is so understanding and loving, it makes me feel so safe.

We finish eating and head to training, we have a meeting first to go over what is happening at the weekend, it's the game i have been dreading since i joined Arsenal. We are playing Chelsea which happens to be the team that Sam plays for. As we are driving Katie doesn't move her hand from my thigh allowing me to play with the rings on her fingers, it's not long and we are making our way to the meeting room Katie's hand never leaving mine. Everyone piles in with coffees in hand and once everyone has settled Jonas Begins to speak, 

"Ok Girls as you know we are playing Chelsea on Sunday, We know that Chelsea are a very physical team and are also very good with the ball at their feet, so what we need to do is prevent them from getting into their rhythm, we start fast and hard attacking them, pressing as a team not allowing them any time on the ball, and i want Lauren James marked at all times she is far to dangerous to be left with any space around the field."

Everyone agrees as they begin to head out to the pitch to begin training, 'Katie Ill be out soon, i'm just going to the toilet.' she nods to show that she heard me as i slipped out and headed towards the bathroom. I don't even need the toilet but i couldn't be around anyone right now. I enter the bathroom making sure it is empty before opening up the back of my phone and pulling out my trusty razor blade, i spend about five minutes looking at it and the ping of my phone causes me to stop focusing on the blade, looking at my phone i see a message from Katie and another from an unknown number,

Katie X: Hey just making sure everything is alright, will you be much longer?

B: Hey babe yeah everything is alright, i wont be long i promise :)

Katie X: Love you

B: Love you too

that should reassure her allowing me to be here for a while longer.

Unknown: Hello stranger, I here your back in London with your 'New Toy'. Don't worry ill deal with you on Sunday xx

No please No how did she get my number, this can't be happening right now. I begin to panic, breathing becoming more and more difficult and the feeling of the razor sounding more and more soothing. Before I know it I'm dragging the blade across my wrist watching as the blood begins to bead and fall down my arms. Oh No what i have done, Katie will be so mad. My phone pings again another message

Unknown: I know you've read the last message, don't worry you ugly, disgusting Slut, Ill be waiting to show the world what a horrible person you are. xx

I am still trying to calm myself from my panic attack but this isn't helping dragging the blade across my wrist more and more each cut getting deeper, one more and i throw the blade to the side picking up my phone calling the only person i want right now, Katie.

Katie: Hey, What's up everything ok you still haven't come out yet.

B: K-K-Katie, H-Help M-Me P-Please, I-I-I D-Done S-Something S-S-Silly

Katie: Stay on the phone I'm on my way do you want me to bring Less?

B: N-No O-Only Y-Y-You

Katie: Ok I am Coming hold on for me Blake, Try and breathe for me 

"Jonas I'm going to the toilet something is wrong with Blake" I hear her say quietly so no one else hears. a few minutes later the bathroom door bursts open and i see Katie standing there with a sad look on her face. "Oh Baby, it's ok i'm here now" She says pulling me into a hug not caring if she gets my blood all over her. "Breathe for me baby, take you time deep breaths." i do as she says listening to her heartbeat as i manage to calm my breathing down until i am breathing normally again. "Let's Get you cleaned up hmm" she says remaining calm, 'I'm Sorry Katie, I didn't mean to i swear.' i say still crying but she reassures me as she wipes my arms and put some bandages around them to help stop the bleeding.

"What caused this Bubs?" she asks and instead of telling her i just so her the messages that i got from who i presume to be Sam. her expression changes from soft and calm to enraged which scares me slightly I have seen Katie mad before and it does scare me quite a bit. 'Katie please don't be mad' i plead hoping to stop her getting to mad, she looks at my fragile state and her features soften again, "Sorry bubs, do you mind if i show this to some of the girls, they will be able to deal with her if she tries anything plus stop me from doing something stupid" she says with a slight chuckle at the end causing me to smile slightly. "There is that beautiful smile i love so much. Do you want to go home or do you want to try join in on some training.". Considering there is only a short while left of training and i need to get ready for the game anyway i tell Katie that i want to train so she gets our spare tops from our bags so we can change into them getting rid of the bloodied ones before heading out onto the pitch. 

We joined in for the last 30 mins all of us laughing together and having a good time playing some small sided games before Jonas announces that training is finished and we can go home for the evening. Before we leave Katie shows the messages to Beth, Viv, and Leah not wanting to show Less as she will also get really mad. After Katie explains what is going on to the three girls we head home and i once again play with the rings on Katie's fingers. We pull up into the drive and head inside both of us slumping down onto the couch and i just crawl into Katie's Arms while she reassures me nothing is going to happen and she will deal with anything that does happen. After a while we both make dinner and eat before heading up to bed and turning in for the night.

A/N: Here are Another three chapters more to come soon, I am trying to write chapters in advance so that when i am busy there is still enough out, and sorry for all the sad depressing chapters, it will be changing up soon enough just stick with me.  thank you all for reading and please leave comments letting me know what you think of the story so far.