Intoxicated by You

The Talk (TW)

Blake's P.O.V

The drive home was silent not even the radio was on. We arrived home and I showered and changed before Katie, while i waiting i sat on the couch watching some TV, I haven't been on my phone at all in fact it is still sat upstairs turned off and on charge. Katie doesn't take to long and before i know it she is sat beside me as we decide what to make for dinner and tonight we decided on fajitas so while Katie prepped and cooked the chicken i chopped up some veg for us and we sat down to eat continuing the show i was watching. We finish eating and after washing up it was 6.30pm half an hour until Less turns up. We decide to watch more TV to pass the time, as we are cuddled up on the couch, Me lying on top of Katie as usual i begin to fall asleep, "Babe don't fall asleep Lessi will be here soon." i know she is right but i am so tired so i force myself to stay awake by sitting up switching us around so Katie is lying on me this way i can stay awake longer.

7pm rolls around and there is a knock at the door and Less walks in. "Evening sleepyheads. Blake i am surprised your still awake." i can tell that she is trying to keep the mood light to not worry me too much but it is not working, 'Katie was being a meanie and wouldn't let sleep' i say back pouting causing both Katie and Lessi to laugh. 'Alright so does someone want to tell me what is going on before i go crazy' changing the mood to it a more serious note.

A: "Ok so, someone has posted something about you that wasn't very nice. As you know by now everyone already knows what is about but we wanted to wait to tell you."

K: "Yeah so, the person who posted it was Sam just to put that out there and it was something serious that exposed something that you are probably not comfortable sharing to the world."

A: Basically it's a picture that you shared with her at some point when you were together or something, when you were going through a tough time. To put it bluntly it is picture of you when you had hurt yourself pretty badly. That night you had went to hospital for serious blood loss, if you can remember it."

The whole time Katie hadn't let go of hand and at this point i was crying not knowing how to process all this information. Katie showed me the picture and i knew exactly when i took it and when i sent it to Sam. She has basically told the world that i am unstable and mentally ill, something i wanted to leave behind. I tried to get out of Katie's grip but she wouldn't let me. "You promised not to shut me out." she said with a sad tone. I'm not trying to shut her out but i am starting to panic and i don't know what to do. 'I know, sorry but...I think i'm having a panic attack' i all i managed to say before losing the ability to breathe. Katie pulled me closer whispering in my ear helping to calm me down. "I think i'll leave you two alone, get some sleep Blake and don't worry we will sort it all out." Alessia says before getting up and heading towards to door, 'Can you hug me Lessi for a couple minutes' I plead sadly and she comes over Katie moves out the way to let Alessia in, i keep a hold of Katie's hand though so i know where she is. 

Less leaves after a while, leaving me and Katie alone and i have just managed to stop crying. "Talk to me babe" i hear Katie say but to be honest i have no words right now. 'I don't know what to say' and so instead of talking she just holds me with the TV still playing quietly in the background. Katie is playing with my hair making my eyes droop after all i was tired before all this but after spending about an hour crying i am even more tired. I think that Katie could tell, "Let's go to bed then. It will be more comfy." she says standing up taking my hand. We make our way upstairs and get changed ready for bed. I take the hoodie Katie has just taken off and put it on me before climbing into bed, Katie following closely after pulling me in wrapping me in her arms, kissing my head before getting herself comfy. Not long after we are both sound asleep. 

**Time Skip 3am**

I wake up in a panic, unable to breathe, it feels like the walls are closing in on me. I look around trying to find something to remind me that the walls aren't actually moving but nothing around me is helpful. My eyes fall on Katie and i don't want to wake her up for this but i don't know if i can get through it without her. That image of me flashing in front of my eyes reminding me of one of the lowest points of my life. I weigh my options, 1. Leave and go to the bathroom and end up doing something stupid, 2. Wake up Katie and let her help me, and 3. Leave the house for a bit and go for a run at 3am around London. As i consider my options creating pros and cons for each i come to the conclusion that option 2 is probably safest and best right now. I gently shake Katie awake as she opens her eyes I try to tell her what is wrong but nothing comes out, she turns on one of the lights seeing the state i'm in and instantly pulls me closer talking to me, "It's ok baby, i'm here with you nothing is going to happen. Your safe." she keeps repeating this until i eventually calm down and apologise this a gazillion times for waking her up. She reassures me that it is fine and she is glad i did wake her instead of doing something else. After a while she turns the light back off and we lay back down going back to sleep. 

Everyday I find new ways to love this woman.