Intoxicated by You

Preparation Pt. 2

Katie's P.O.V

I feel awful, there is nothing i can do to help her and I know she is hurting. Blake wakes up everyday with the same blank expression and its not that she is not happy, it's because one person messed her up so bad that she has days where she can be the brightest light, smiling, laughing, just being the most exciting person to be around and do a complete 180 where she doesn't even want to leave her bed and never wants to do anything that involves being around other people. I am proud of her though she hasn't stopped going to training and joining in with the girls, i'm just worried that it is all going to fall apart soon and i'm scared i might lose her forever. All i can do is be there for her in any way she needs whether that is just to hold her or be presence in the same room as her.

Today was no different, I woke up before Blake and slipped out of bed to get ready before heading down the stairs to make some breakfast, something simple, some toast and fruit. I can hear Blake shuffling about upstairs alerting me that she is awake. She comes downstairs and i offer my smile while handing her a plate but instead she just walks over and wraps her arms around my waist so i sit the plate doing returning the hug by wrapping my arms around her shoulders and we just stand there. Training yesterday was awful and it is a sight i never want to see again, walking into the bathroom to see her on the floor, broken, yet she was the one apologising. God knows how Sam got her number, oh she's in for a fun game on Sunday that's for sure. I have explained what happened to Jonas after talking to Blake and he said we don't need to go to training if she is not up for it but she insisted that she had to go. 

We head out my hand finding hers fingers interlocking with each other nothing but the quiet hum of the radio in the background as we drive to the London Colney for yet another day of training. Once we arrive we head inside getting changed and heading to the gym as today is just a recovery session before our high intensity training that we will have tomorrow allowing us to have Saturday to apply finishing touches to our game before playing Chelsea on Sunday.  Everyone is doing their own thing and i glance in Blake's direction every now and again to check she is handling everything alright. This time i look up and see her staring at her phone with a petrified look on her face so i quickly make my way over to make sure everything is alright. 'What's wrong baby' i ask concerned, she doesn't answer me only hands me her phone showing me the message thread that Sam has created.

Sam: You fat, ugly bitch, i hope you fucken die. you know what no maybe ill do us all a favour and kill you myself.

this was the last message sent by her to Blake and it made my blood boil. By this point a few of the other girls have gathered around us obviously noticing Blake upset and me absolutely fuming at the fact that someone could be this horrible to someone so kind. I had to leave because i know how Blake is when i get angry so i let go of her hand and leave the gym not looking back and my heart breaks hearing her break down into tears but i was so mad i had to calm down before i could console her. Leah follows me and i didn't realise until she speaks when i reach my destination, "What the fuck is wrong with you, she needs you and you just leave!" she screams in my direction. I know what i did but i done it for her. 'I know Leah, you don't think i feel like shit for leaving, but i can't be this angry around her it'll just make it worse' i scream back punching the wall causing my knuckles to bleed. "Hey it's ok we are all on your side we want to see the end of this as much as you, but unfortunately we can't do anything right now, we have a game to prepare for." Leah states matter of factly bringing me to my senses. I calm myself down and walk back into the gym, straight to Blake and wrap her in my arms, 'I'm sorry love, i had to calm down first, i didn't want to scare you more' i say softly. Instead of responding she squeezes me tighter.

Training finishes and we head home the same way we arrived the quiet hum of the radio filling the silence in the car. The drive home today felt longer for some reason, stupid London Roads i think to myself. I have kept Blake's phone for the time being so that she doesn't need to read any more messages that may grace it. About half an hour later we finally arrive home, I carry our bags in as Blake heads straight to bed. I hate seeing her like this. My phone pings telling me i have a message,

Less: Hey, Katie i can struggling with this just as much as Blake and i appreciate you being a calming presence in her life right now. If it was me in your position like i was before i wouldn't be this calm and patient. So thank you for looking after my little sis.

Katie: No worries Less i will always put her feelings first, she is all matters to me, she is my lifeline i don't know what i'll do without her. I'm scared though Less, I can't help but feel like i am going to lose her and i don't know if i will survive if that does happen.

Less: I know Katie i can see it on your face whenever she breaks down, I know how much your hurting but just the fact you are putting the brave front for her I know she appreciates it. She loves you so much. If it makes you feel any better the fact that is willing to go to training is a good sign, if you weren't a part of her life she would be locked up in her bedroom not eating or anything. She is trying for you I can tell.

Katie: It means a lot and i am so proud of her for getting out of bed, i tell her every morning. I just wish she would tell me more about what she is feeling.

Less: Give it time. Love you lots. Give Her a big hug from me and the girls, Goodnight. x

Katie: Goodnight Less and will do x

I finish messaging with Less and so decide i should probably make something for us to eat. I make us some pasta and bring upstairs so Blake can eat as well, I can settled in the bed beside her, "Why did you take so long to come up" she says almost as a whisper, 'Less messaged me don't worry' i say back reassuringly. she just nods before beginning to eat. I turn on the TV and put on a movie that we can watch while we eat. After we finish eating i take the plates back to the kitchen and hurry back up to Blake jumping into the bed beside her. 'What's on your mind?' i ask hoping for a response, "Why is it always me, why can't i just be happy, why does she need to ruin my life." she says beginning to cry, 'It's ok my love, I won't let her hurt you, if she wants to get to you she will have to go through me first ok'. She nods and we cuddle up finishing the movie before drifting off to sleep