Absolutely Not! (Lando Norris)

Belle

It had been a month since my race. A month since I lost control. No one knew that, I was very good at masking. Lando had just got Saudi for the second race of the season. He'd already been away a few weeks in Bahrain for testing and the Bahrain race. I wasn't going to complain about him been away, it meant I could wallow in my own self pity without anyone asking questions. This wasn't the first time I'd gone down this path. Only a few people knew truly how dark it could get for me, how I punish myself for been a disappointment and yet again been the bad penny in my family.

It was night time in Monaco, I sat in the living room with just the dim lit lamp in the corner casting shadows on the wall. I sat in silence, just staring out the window of the street lights below. I'd been up since 5, I'd done a 20 mile run, followed by a 3 hour stint on the exercise bike. I'd made myself food before quickly purging in the bathroom. That was my dark secret, when times got hard I'd punish myself with gruelling workouts to the point I'd have blood soaked socks or extreme dizziness, I ate and drank very little. When I did eat I would head to the bathroom to throw it back up. I was a shadow of my former, happier self. Lando hadn't noticed, he didn't know that part of my life. Only Lola my best friend and Isaac knew this part of my life. Lando just assumed I was training hard for the Olympics, Lola was in the states and Isaac was wedding planning. This meant I could punish myself as hard as I needed to.
My phone pings and I look to see a message from Lando.

Lando
Lando: Missing sleeping next to you. Can't wait to see you soon. Ring me when you get up.

I don't respond, I just place the phone back down on the sofa and look back out to the lights.

A noise stirs me from my sleep, it was my alarm. 4am. I'd fallen asleep on the sofa. As I stand up from the sofa, I feel the familiar ringing in my ears and the light head. I pause for a second, before pushing the symptoms to the back of my head. As I sit on the bed, forcing my trainers on to my bloody and swollen feet, I relish the pain, this is what I deserved.
The streets of Monaco were quiet at this time, the wealthy liked a lie in. I begin running, the soreness of the feet almost taking my breath away but I continue. I turn up street after street, making my way around Monaco.
I stop at some traffic lights waiting to cross, that's when it hit me. My ears begin ringing, my head feels light. I don't feel part of my body anymore, darkness takes over and that's when someone turns out the lights.

I wake to the sound of voices in the distance, however I'm not in the streets of Monaco now. I'm in a clean and crisp white room, sounds of monitors beeping to my left. I look to see a cannula in my hand, I follow it to a drip sitting above me on the stand. What the hell had happened?

"Hey you" A familiar voice appears from the distance.
"Hi' I croak, taking a gulp, my mouth was so dry and talking seemed to take the little energy I had.
Isaac comes and sits at the side of me, giving me the look I'd seen before. I knew what was coming.
"Belle, I thought we had got passed this. You don't realise how dangerous this is for your health. Your lucky someone found you, or..." He pauses taking a gulp, I could see the sadness in his eyes " we wouldn't be having this conversation."
"I-I, I'm ok. Just training hard for the olympics, that's all. Keeping busy whilst Lando is away"
"Belle I'm not stupid. We've been here before. You're severely dehydrated, they're running tests to ensure you've not damaged your kidneys, your feet are so badly damaged, I don't even know how you can walk. I can see your bones and your skin is practically clear. This can't happen again."
I look down to the sheets, I couldn't look at him. I had no explanation to give him.
"I'm going to ring the clinic and see if we can get you in. I'll also ring Lando, he needs to know"
"Isaac, please no. Please don't make me go back to the Clinic. I promise it won't happen again. I can recover at home. I almost didn't make it out of the clinic last time, I can't bring more shame to my family. Lando can't know either, he needs to focus on the season" I plead to him.
"Fuck your family. They're the reason you're in this situation. They are awful people. Lando needs to know, he cares so much about you, he can help you get through this"
"Please Isaac. I can control it, I promise" My pleading was falling on deaf ears, Isaac was not listening.
We are interrupted by a nurse entering the room.
"Miss Caulley, you need to rest", she presses a few buttons before leaving the room again.
"I'll be outside, we can talk about this later" Isaac gets up, placing a kiss on my forehead before leaving the room. I'd not enough energy to fight and just like that the lights went out again.