• A Blackbird's Serenade • (GxG)

"Cinnamon Girl"

Journee

Intimacy.

One may think it's about shedding clothes, and merging your flesh with another's. They may think of breathless moans, gripped sheets, and rapid heartbeats... They may think of another's touch, their kiss, or the softness of their words being whispered into the heat of the night. They may think of passion, and lovemaking, as intimacy; letting that be all there's considered to be to it.

And they're right...but also wrong. Because intimacy is simply so much more.

Gazing into her eyes, I feel safe. In her touch, I feel secure. She knows things about me that I've yet to utter to a single soul, and wouldn't have otherwise.

One look shared between us could say a thousand words, or nothing at all. I think of her, when I see a certain book, or hear a certain song. My cheeks become hot as I smile, when I think of her jokes, or see the things that I know would amuse her. I crave her touch, her scent, and her presence. I long for her to be near whenever she isn't. And our every conversation is special, no matter the length or depth, as is our every inside joke.

To me, now, that is intimacy. For before, I simply had the opinion of most others. That its meaning regarded only something physical, and held no layers.

I didn't realize how wrong I had been, until I met her.

Until I'd shivered at her touch, and my entire body had gone hot the moment her lips first met mine. Until her words were the only to leave me hanging on for more. Until we'd laughed together, and it was as if I'd never done such a thing with any other person. As if I'd had no idea as to what the action even was. It wasn't until her closeness took my breath away, and I'd found myself searching for only her in an audience full of mesmerized eyes, that I realized what intimacy truly was.

That I realized I'd become naked before another, without even knowing it.

My heart was in her hands, and not even with my permission. My guard braces the coldness of the floor beneath me in her presence. I trust her, with everything, and with every part of me.

Tiana knows of my flaws, and my fears, yet loves me anyway. She knows of my imperfections, yet looks at me the way one only thinks possible in fairytales. And I know of hers, though I couldn't love her more.

I love her, in a way that is maddening just as it is consuming. In a way that matches the effects of druguse, to where I'm blissfully out of control and out of my mind, yet I wouldn't dare to stop. In a way that heightens my every emotion related to her, whether good or bad.

That level of love, and that level of intimacy...it's foreign to me. It frightens me. Because what happens when it's gone? If she was gone??

No amount of healing or time would aid that kind of pain and heartbreak. Not a fiber of my being could bear it, nor would the most extensive of distractions subside it. Nothing would ever be the same, nor would I.

As theatrical it may sound, I feel as though I can't live without her. Ever...

Emotions of various calibers coursed through me as I cried within her arms, my tears now drying as moments passed. Her hands rubbed my back under my shirt while she held me close, having us now share a warmth.

I was mad at her, yes. But also at other things, and for other reasons. She wasn't right, but she wasn't wrong either. And in my opinion, neither was I. I was upset at the world, for being structured this way and for not having changed sooner. I was upset at humans, for upholding such foolish and iditoic values, instead of focusing on the things that truly mattered.