word count: 1050
"hey j" you say, sitting next to jj on the boat. He'd been acting weird all day, you were hoping it was just he was tired or hungry or something but it was almost nighttime now and he was still acting different.
"hey" he replies, dryly. You rest your head on his shoulder, hoping it would wrap his arm around you like he normally would, but he never did.
JJ had began to fidget with his rings. He does that a lot when he's anxious or stressed. It broke your heart seeing him like this, because you knew he struggled opening up to you but you just want to be there for him.
"come on, let's go for a swim" John B suggests. Everyone had began to jump in, one by one, except jj.
"you not coming in j?" you say to him before you jump in. In response, he just shakes his head and gives you a weak smile.
"okay love" you say in a soft tone, then you jump in. After a while of everyone splashing around, you decide to ask the pogues their opinions.
"guys, is it just me who's realised that something is wrong with jj?" you say quietly so that he doesn't hear.
"yeah, one hundred percent" everyone agrees.
"okay well, how do i get him to talk to me?" you say, hoping for a helpful answer.
"well i mean jj cannot keep his mouth closed when he's drunk, and there's a party at the boneyard tonight, soooo.." john B suggests. You nod, "okay, i'll go ask him" you say as you climb back onto the boat.
"hey j, there's a party tonight, do you wanna come?" you say, grabbing a towel and a beer as you sit beside him.
"sure." he says, looking at the others in the water.
"jj, what's wrong? you've been acting weird all day" you place your hand on top of his. He couldn't make eye contact with you.
"nothing, i'm fine" he says, plastering the fakest smile you've ever seen on his face.
It becomes nighttime, and you're on your way to the party. When you get there, jj instantly gets a beer and downs it in 2 seconds.
JJ'S POV
i didn't want to remember tonight, and i also wanted to have an excuse to stay in bed all day tomorrow. So i drank, i drank, and i drank. I felt guilty being so cold towards y/n, but it was for the better.
If i had been less ignorant, it would've ended up in me either crying or yelling, i don't know which one is worse.
Oh god, she's coming over. I can't keep ignoring her.
BACK TO Y/N'S POV
he had another drink in his hand. "jj, you've drank to much tonight" you say, reaching to grab his cup, he pulls back. "it's my last one then i'm going home, okay?" he says, taking another sip.
You can't let him go home alone. "jj I'll take you home, i haven't drank anything and you can't go home alone like this." you say, looking at him with worry in your eyes.
"okay, yeah, whatever" he says, chugging the last bit of his beer, "shit" he mutters, realising that he finished it already.
"come on, let's go" you say, grabbing his hand and walking towards the chateau.
As you step into the chateau, you stop jj from walking any further inside. "jj, please talk to me, i'm worried about you" you say, standing in front of him.
"nothing, y/n. i'm fine" he says, sounding kind of aggravated. "no, jj, you're not. did i do something? please just tell me what's going on!" you raise your voice slightly, but you still spoke softly.
"nothing, y/n! just-" he yells. "just leave me alone" the tone of the final part of his sentence was completely different to how he spoke before.
His yelling became sobbing. "oh jj.." you say, pulling him in for a hug as he cries onto tour shoulder.
"come on jj, lets go to my room" you spoke gently, rubbing his back and slowly walking to your bedroom. Both of you lay down on your bed, jj moves his head to rest on your chest, wrapping his arms around your waist.
"tell me everything jay, i'm here go listen for however long you need, okay?" your hands play with his hair, relaxing him.
"it's just everything, i guess. My dad, school, and i'm just- i'm so.. worried that you're going to leave," your heart drops as he continues to speak, "i'm scared that you'll find a man that's better looking, or has less of a temper, or is richer. Or even worse, i'm scared that you'll see me how I see myself, y/n" he says, his voice quivering once again.
"shh, it's okay jj" you say as he begins to cry again. Your heart shattered knowing that he felt like that. He was the only man you could ever want, he was perfect.
"jj, listen to me. I don't want anyone else but you. You are so perfect in every way, i could never ask for anything else as long as i have you." you say, hoping for your words to ease his worries a bit.
"i'm just worried that you'll leave me like everyone else does. You know? I just don't feel- I don't feel good enough for you." he says quietly.
"jj maybank you are more than enough for me. And j promise you i'm not going anywhere, i'm going to be with you until the end of time, okay?" you speak softly, seeing him like this makes you want to cry.
This human being didn't deserve all of the shit he has to go through. He's so sweet and kind, it made you physically sick to know he feels like this.
He nodded at your words, even if he didn't believe you, you meant every single word that just came out of your mouth.
"i love you jj, and i'm always here if you need to talk about anything, okay?" you say as you began to grow more and more tired.
"okay, i love you too" he responds. You kiss him on his head before you both fall asleep.
