2 months later..
"y/n are you coming down the the beach later?" says kiara as she grabs the keys to the twinkt off of the counter. "Maybe. I need to get some things done first but i'll probably end up there" i reply, knowing i'm having one of those days where i'm in a really bad mood for no reason and suddenly i hate everything and everyone.
Everyone else except John B and JJ have already went to the beach and im sat on the sofa watching tiktok, when John B walks through and throws a pillow at my face. Normally, i would've found it funny, but today i do not. "What the actual fuck is your problem. Jesus christ." i say furiously.
"woahh someones on their period" he replies, getting quiter towards the end of his sentence. "if it really fucking matters to you John B, no. I'm not on my period" i say, standing up to go and punch him.
As he backs up as i lunge for him, i feel hands around my waist holding me back. "Woah woah woah whats wrong baby?" JJ says, gently kissing my neck.
As much as I love when JJ is affectionate like this, today i just feel so hot and icky and if anyone touches me i might slap them, so i move out of his grip, leaving him looking a little upset.
I do feel bad because we both know our love language is physical touch, but i just need to stay calm today.
"she's just being a bitch for no reason" says John B. I close my eyes and exhale.
"Hey hey hey you dont say that to her." JJ says, glaring at John B.
"Right. Im going down to the beach before i fucking punch one of these walls." I say with an aggrivated fake smile.
"Hey guys" I say as i walk towards the rest of the pogues, John b and JJ shortly following after me. They start telling me about how Rafe and Topper came over to them earlier trying to get them to buy their new home made beer. Sounds great.
"Did you buy it..?" I say, confused.
"No, obviously not. They probably poisoned it" Pope says, making me laugh a little.
JJ comes back from the water and lays his head on my legs. Im trying to get a tan, so this annoys me.
I shove him off. Admittedly, it was a bit aggressive, but he should know by now that when i'm tanning you dont create shadows on my body.
He shoots me a confused look and i pretend not to see it because i cant be bothered for a conversation butvthen he starts zoning out and speaking less, making me feel even more bad.
We get back to the chateau and im sat in mine and jj's room while jj plays whatever it is hes playing. My phone rings.
No caller ID. Strange?
Probably a scammer, i ignore it. But it rings again. And again. And again. "Who is it babe?" JJ asks, not taking his eyes off the screen.
"it says no caller id, ill answer it now hold on"
I answer the phone and hold it to my ear. "Y/n? Is that y/n?" I hear a familiar voice say.
"Um, yeah" I say quietly, knowing what's about to happen.
"Where the fuck have you been and what do you think youre doing?" She yells. It's my mum.
"I blocked your number for this exact reason. Goodbye. Call my number again and i'll get you done for harassment." I hang up.
I look over at JJ, who now has headphones on, so thankfully he didnt hear anything. I just want to cry, so i tell him in going on a walk.
When i get back from my walk, i get in bed and go to sleep. JJ tries to cuddle me, but again, i push him off. "Right y/n. What have i done?" he says, sitting up.
"what do you mean" I say, tiredly.
"You're dodging every bit of affection i try to give you, you're barely speaking to me and i'm fucking freaking out" he says, in a quiet but panicked voice.
"I'm sorry baby i've just been in a real bitchy mood today and the heat has just been making me feel icky and gross so i was just feeling really overwhelmed" I say, placing my head in my hands.
"Its okay but jut please tell me next time, okay?" he says, kissing my forehead and getting back into bed.
A few weeks later..
It's one of those days.. AGAIN. JJ comes up behind me and places his arms on my waist. "oh my fucking god" i mutter as i walk away.
I can feel his hurt eyes looking at me, but i don't dare look back.
Later that day, i'm walking back to the chateau after running a few errands when I see everyone sat outside together in a circle, laughing until they see me coming towards them.
"what's up?" I say, waiting for someone to make room for me like they usually would. But no one budges.
"can i.. hang out with you guys?" i say, feeling increasingly anxious as they all look at eachother awkwardly.
"um, yeah sure" Sarah finally blurts out, everyone looks at her angrily.
"Nevermind, do whatever the fuck you want" I say, taking a hint they were all pissed at me for some reason.
"y/n you've started becoming a real bitch ever since you came back" I hear JJ yell.
I stop walking and turn around to look at him.
"what?" i say, hurt.
"You're always grumpy and in a bitchy mood, it just makes it fucking awkward for us to put up with." He says, standing up.
"Wow, okay sorry i'm a fucking human being that has emotions?"
"But we aren't doing anything to piss you off! No one is! So why are you taking it out on us for your unreasonable bitchy behaviour?" He yells.
I can feel the lump forming in my throat.
"I'm sure we can all name one time you've been a dick to us can't we?" He says, looking at everyone else.
"Okay, well, i'm sorry" I say quietly, walking inside the chateau as they all get into the twinky.
I know what i need to do.
An hour later, all of my clothes are packed away into my suitcase and i scurry around looking for a paper and pen.
- I'm sorry for being a burden recently, and i want to apologise for being a bitch to you all. You deserve to know the reason i've been acting the way i am because you're the ones getting hurt by it. When i left home, i wasn't supposed to, i practically ran away from my parents because they didn't want me moving here, and every single day i get a call or a text message from them telling me things about how disappointed they are in me and that i need to go home. I've decided that i'm going to go back home as i don't want to bother you guys any more than i already have. I'm not quite sure where i'll go but i'll figure it out. Once again, i'm very sorry and i love you all and i will miss you so much, from y/n xx -
I place the letter on the kitchen table and head to the airport, looking at when the soonest flight is.
I manage to get on the next plane and turn my phone to silent mode.
