Emails

Chapter 16

Liv.

We are at the bubble tea shop down the corner.

He keeps fiddling with his thumbs. Rubs his cotton shirt between his index finger and his thumb. Adjusts his shirt with his two fingers. Runs a hand through his hair.

Cole is nervous. The big smile he always wears is filled to the brim with nerves.

We walk back to the school campus.

Sit down in a corner.

Lay down sheets of paper and our pencils.

We talk.

We talk.

We laugh.

He imitates other schools' debate teams.

Did I mention this was a volunteer club project for the debate team at our school?

He widens his eyes. Mimes boredom. Mimes falling asleep. Mimes droning on and on and on.

The thing about the other schools is that they are all boring.

We talk. We joke. We come up with counters and speeches and ideas and images for our team.

We set a goal.

And we stick to it.

I don't remember being this happy in so long.

It's nice.

I'm happy.

+++++

It isn't long before our bubble teas are empty and our faces have dimmed. The sun is already setting. I can still see a permanent smile plastered on his face as if all the laughing has made his facial muscles freeze in place.

He nudges me with the edge of his elbow. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

I force a smile, knowing that our time is reaching its limit. "Nope, just the stuff we already said, right? Usual baggage. Usual parent relationships. Past relationships. Blah blah."

"Right. That's normal. I forgot."

I laugh. "I'm just kidding."

"I know. That's why I played along."

I smile. "I knew I liked something about you." He flushes a deep red and I almost feel bad.

He coughs. "Do you want me to send over the documents? I'll make a few edits and... I'll send them by tonight?"

"Sure," I say. He closes his laptop with a soft snap and grins. "We made progress though. We should be done by this week."

Silence.

So loud.

It's comforting this time, though.

"You're graduating this year, right?" He asks. I'm confused at first because of the breach in the silence.

I sigh. "Yeah. Aren't you graduating this year too?"

He shakes his head. "No, next year."

"Oh. I just assumed that because of the debate project—"

He lets out a stark laugh. It's hard and forced. A bubble in his throat pushed through his vocal cords, trying to hold onto anything to stop the exertion. "Yeah, the team agreed that a junior should learn from a senior to take over next year."

"Oh." The small word sounds disappointed. Why is it disappointed?

I slump back and look and the waning sky. "Do you know where you're going for college?"

He shrugs, but his shoulders look stiff. "I don't know. Maybe abroad? I'd want to travel abroad. Where are you going?"

I shrug. Applications aren't due for another month or so. "Boston, maybe?"

"Wow, that's far."

"Yeah."

"Do your parents know?"

I laugh. "Yeah."

He doesn't push the subject.

"How about your friends?" He asks.

"I don't know." I think about Sam. I don't know. I haven't talked to him in so long. It makes me sad. I'm fiddling with the sheets of paper. I'm stacking them in order. I'm nervous. I'm worried.

I'm worried that he can tell I'm nervous and worried.

I hear expletives coming out of his mouth. My head shoots up which is met with a loud crack from my neck. I wince, rubbing my hand over the spot. I look over at Cole, who's frozen. Frozen in motion. His hand is just inches away from touching my neck.

It retracts jerkily, sidling back to a spot on the ground next to his body. He looks away, I look away. I feel a blush creeping up the sides of my neck. Knowing him, he's likely blushing a deeper color than me.

He coughs. Flinches. "Sorry," he flinches again. I'm shaking my head. Why am I shaking my head?

"It's okay." The sounds come out as a rasp. I'm embarrassed.

He coughs again. "I just checked the time," he picks up his phone robotically, in slow motion. A choking sound is strangled out of my throat.

He smiles sheepishly. "It's 8 at night."

I nod, a little frozen, a little stunned because of how short the last five hours have been. "It's 8 at night," I repeat.

"Do you need a ride? I got my license."

I laugh. "I'm behind then. I've barely gotten my license too." But I don't say that I didn't bring my car.

He laughs too. "So, you good?"

I laugh again. "Yeah, I'm good. I'll walk the rest of the way. Thanks for working on the project with me."

He shakes his head. "Walk alone? At night? I'll walk you home."

I stare at my feet. Shuffle them. "It's fine," I mumble. "I can go by myself. It's still bright out and it's a fifteen-minute walk. I'll be fine." I want him to walk with me but it's not something that I would rationally do with someone I don't know very well. "Plus, I don't want to bother you."

He blows out a breath. "If you're uncomfortable with me seeing your house, which I will not judge whether it's a tent or a mansion, I can drop you off a couple blocks away. End of discussion."

"But you have a car, you need to go home yourself. You need to—"

"I'll get it later." He's frustrated. I can tell.

"It's an inconvenience."

"It's not, don't worry. Can we drop this now?"

I blow out a breath.

"Okay."