Guardian Angel

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

Hades's expletive wasn't surprising.

It was what came after.

"No," Hades said immediately after, making me look at him for a moment. He stared back at me and I stared in return. I could see his muscles locking, could see panic brewing in those blue eyes, and I realized he was going to have a meltdown at that moment.

And I needed to know why.

"Can Hades and I have some privacy?" I asked at last, glancing at Rowan and Yiuwa, who both nodded hesitantly and headed out of the room. Niko watched them go, his arms folded over his chest before he looked back at me for confirmation. I raised an eyebrow and he shrugged before closing the door behind him as he left.

I looked back at Hades, who moved away from the door to rake his hands through his hair in frustration. His boots thumped hard on the floor as he made his way to the balcony doors, staring out the diamond-pane windows with blue eyes that glowed.

I turned to look at him.

"Hades."

"I need a minute."

"Okay." I said nothing as I watched Hades stand at the balcony doors. He ran his hands through his hair again, a nervous habit when he was trying to figure out what to say, what to do. How strange that I was around Hades enough to know his nervous little habits, and yet I still couldn't figure out what his reaction was.

Was he angry with me? Was he embarrassed?

I knew in the end it didn't matter, but it didn't change the fact that I still wanted to know why.

Hades had always been the one constant in my life. I wasn't sent to a public school until I was older, and even then, Hades was one of the instructors in my building, so he would always come check on me, always check in with the other instructors, to make sure I was doing well.

But he was the one who educated me, the one who taught me everything I knew. He taught me how to feed myself, cloth myself. He taught me how to perform surgeries.

And when my parents were too overwhelmed, Hades was the one who took care of me.

But knowing he had a hand in all of this, knowing that he played a part in this huge catastrophe that was crumbling around on top of us... For once, I wasn't sure how to feel. I knew I didn't feel trust for him anymore, didn't feel as connected as I had once thought of us.

Despite recognizing the nervous habits of his fingers going through that long inky black hair, his eyes darting back and forth, occasionally pressing his thumb against his fangs, I had no idea what Hades was thinking then.

And I was disappointed that I was holding my breath for his reaction. Because some insane part of me was still desperate for Hades to just... love me.

"Do you hate me?" I asked at last. Hades froze at that. He didn't look up. I swallowed thickly, amazed that I had the urge to cry again after having just bawled my eyes out, but Hades was different. Hades didn't do tears well, because he very rarely cried himself. He grew up in a world where crying was a weakness.

And for some reason, that made me want to cry too.

Because, despite the medical annoyances of crying, what with the lump in your throat, the snot clogging your nose, the tears trailing hot on your flushed cheeks... Crying could feel good. It was almost a release of pressure underneath.

And Hades had never been allowed to release that pressure.

"Why would you ask me that?" Hades asked at last without looking at me. He was avoiding my face now. He was just staring out the window, like he had chosen something to focus on so he could control himself.