Your Useless Superhero

Chapter 7

Snowman started screaming and accusing Maxwell of plotting this against him. It took us all twenty to separate him and put Snowman in the room with now mostly strapped agents who shouted duck noises at him. We had to strap Snowman too, but unfortunately, he would be free soon.

Maxwell cleaned the horrible-smelling rag away since he felt guilty and I sat down like the most innocent person in the whole universe. It did work out as I was not suspected and people moved on, relieved that training was pushed back and we all scrambled away before my teacher could find us and bully us into jumping over those spiky obstacles.

ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT

The whole agency was covered with warning red lights and loud alert noises, they were loud enough to reach a few kilometers, all the duck agents were scrambling, breaking free from the restraints and leaving feathers everywhere, feathers no one knew where they came from.

It was like a calamity as people rushed to see the source of the signals and strapped the duck agents back into the restraints. 

"Come here everyone, see who it is." Hope shouted at the top of her lungs, which was pretty loud, to be honest, and led us to a large room with a big screen.

The screen showed an ugly green monster with comically big nails and hilariously short legs. He appeared to be laughing but there was no sound coming. 

"We can't hear you." I said as he started talking with no voice. He looked confused and pulled up a pair of large glasses up to his nose, fidgeting with the controls. His glasses made his eyes look comically small. After a minute of him pressing random buttons on his controls, we finally heard him.

"Yes, we can hear you now." My teacher said loudly. But right at that moment the screen went black. "Hey, hey we can't see you now, just press that pink button." my sir instructed, annoyed at the grandpa villain, seriously in this era who the hell can't even connect a call properly? 

After many grumbling noises, that monster finally switched on his camera.

"Yes, we can see you too now, what is it? Why did you set up our alarm?" Hope questioned tired of his lack of technology skills.

"MUHAHAHAHA MUHAHAHA MUHAHAHA MUHAHHAA MUHAHAHA MUHAHAHA MU-*cough cough* -HAHAMU * cough cough* MAHAHA" the green villain coughed, ruining the effect of his villainous laugh.

"You measly humans, you are in the presence of the most powerful, the most villainous, who have ruled over a hundred planets, the great one and only GAGOOZAAAA" he announced coughing again. 

His large glasses slid down his eyes and his green-scaled skin was decorated with Christmas ornaments. 

"I came here to inform you of my wrath, how you all have just enough time to say goodbye to your loved ones. Once I get there, I will rip everyone into pieces and you all will shiver at my sight. Say goodbye to those wonderful trees and birds, especially those ducks, those white and yellow ducks. You all don't even value such true beauty and grace of those lovely creatures, ducks." he shouted.

"If only I lived on your planet, I would have given all those precious ducks houses to live in, good food to eat. They would have had an amazing life, unlike now when you humans exploit them and eat them. You humans deserve to dieeee," he continued his shouting now standing up on his chair, his extremely small legs making him look absolutely hilarious.

"I may not have much knowledge on video calls but I can very well clear planets. First I will attack the agency then I will rescue all the ducks and lastly I will blow up the planet, just look at my wrath, you all will be left alone begging for my mercy."

"You all think just because you all have more brains than ducks you will exploit them, I will raise those ducks on my planet, I can even give them oxygen masks, I know it's a thing on your planet, I saw them the last time I was there. You all should fear me as I know all your secrets. I know you grow your food with that soil and water, I even know where you get water from, I know you all mix powders in your soil for good growth. I know it all, now no one can spare you."

"MUHAHAHAHA MUHAHAHA MUHAHAHA MUHAHHAA MUHAHAHA MUHAHAHA MU-*cough cough* -HAHAMU * cough cough* MAHAHA" he coughed again.

"Okay so tell me if I get it right, you are coming here to destroy Earth so you can save the ducks and blow up the planet, right?" Hope asked looking bored, making a table on her iPad.

"Yes, I will kill you all and show my wrat-"

"Okay and when can we expect your arrival?" she asked cutting yet another monologue of his.

"I am all packed in fact, I was just going to mount my space horse and you all will see my wrat-"

"Okay, so we expect you soon, right?" My sir asked cutting him off again.

"Yes," he grumbled and then took the camera with him to show a poorly designed thing, shaped like a cross-species between a horse and a duck, which was supposed to be his spaceship.

He mounted it, with what he thought was style, but I could only laugh at his legs. He started the vehicle with a bang and it fell out into space, only to travel at a speed even slower than a snail.

"So you will travel to Earth with this speed?" I asked, my voice dripping with disbelief. 

"Yes, so what if I don't have high-tech technology like you guys I am still very capable of destroying you. MWAHAHAHAHA MUHAHAHA MUHAHAHA MUHAHHAA MUHAHAHA MUHAHAHA MU-*cough cough* -HAHAMU * cough cough* MAHAHA" he ended up coughing again.

"Yeah sure see you in a month," Hope said disconnecting the call before he could start his monologue again.

SO, who is ready with me to beat the shit out of this green stuff?

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An awaited dramatic meeting of superheroes and supervillains... 

I would love to hear thoughts on humor placed in the book and the use of exaggerated words in the book.. what are your thoughts on to use of very non-formal vocabulary in the book?