The Waters - A Beta Squad Story (bxb)

29. I Want To Understand

Aj fell asleep in Niko's lap to the soft hum of the car and the feeling of Niko's hand in his hair. Niko glanced over at Chunkz, who was driving with a calm demeanour, his eyes fixed on the road. Chunkz met his gaze through the mirror, and he knew Chunkz saw the opportunity to talk to him alone.

"Is he asleep?" Chunkz whispered as he peered at Niko.

Niko nodded, his eyes fixed on Aj. "Yeah, he's been out for a while now."

The car continued to drive, the gentle sway of the vehicle rocking Aj slightly as he slept. Chunkz glanced over at Niko, noticing the way he was carefully holding Aj's hair, as if afraid he might harm him somehow. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes about the depth of their relationship.

"Nik... I want to talk to you. And I don't want you to brush it off. I want serious talk." Chunkz started, his voice low and serious. Niko looked up from Aj to take in Chunkz's serious tone.

Chunkz pulled over and parked the car just before the sand. He removed his seatbelt and turned in his seat to look at the two in the backseat. Niko nodded at him, making a silent request for him to continue.

"Look, I don't want to make things worse or anything, but I can't just sit here and pretend like I don't know what's going on." He paused. "Aj told me that you two slept together. I know that's not the only thing that's bothering him, but it's a big part of it. I just don't understand why you keep breaking his heart like this, Niko." Chunkz's voice was laced with anger and hurt, and it was clear that he cared deeply for both of them, but he managed to keep his volume low.

Niko felt his stomach twist at Chunkz's words. He knew he had to be honest with his friend, even if it meant admitting something he wasn't proud of. "I didn't mean for it to happen like that," he began, his voice soft. "It was just a mistake. I never meant to lead him on or hurt him. I swear."

He looked over at Aj, still asleep in his lap, and his heart ached. "I didn't want to lose him, Chunkz. I love Aj."

"I want to know what's going through your head. I want to hear your point of view. From the beginning." Chunkz said, his voice calm but firm.

"I don't even know where to start." Niko sighed, looking past Chunkz and to the sea, feeling the weight of his words.

"Ok, well, I first heard something was going on the night after the party. Where you met Brooke," Chunkz decided to start knowing they would get nowhere waiting for Niko. "He would absolutely end my life if he knew I was telling you this, but the night of the party, when I had practically dragged him there after you two had another argument, Aj had a panic attack in the bathroom. A bad one."

Niko glanced down at Aj, his heart aching at the new information from that night. The sight of the first ever panic attack he saw Aj have flickered through his mind. It was something he wished the smaller man would never have to go through again.

"The next day, I went to go see him, and he looked so drained. I asked him whether there was something that triggered it. And what I'm about to say is not to make you feel guilty at all; I'm just trying to understand." Chunkz took a moment to think before continuing, and Niko felt sweat dripping down the back of his neck. "He told me how you two had kissed, amongst other... stuff-"

"Oh god." Niko groaned, dropping his head into his hands. Replacing them back onto Aj after feeling him squirm slightly. He wished he could take back the last few moments—even the last few weeks. It all felt like such a mess.

Chunkz continued, his voice calm and steady. "He said it wasn't the entire reason; of course he was probably so nervous being at the event in the first place. But seeing you kiss Brooke definitely hit him hard, and it just happened to be the thing that tipped him over."

Niko winced, feeling guilty and ashamed. He couldn't help but wonder how many other moments there had been where he had ignored the impact of his actions. He glanced back at Aj, his heart aching for the boy he had hurt.

"I didn't mean for it to happen like that," he repeated, his voice hoarse. "It was just a stupid mistake. It's not what it looked like, I swear."

Chunkz raised an eyebrow, not quite convinced. "So what was it, then? Why did you kiss him in the first place? And why did you then go and kiss her? Without giving him any explanation."

The words stung, but Niko knew Chunkz was only trying to get through to him. He took a deep breath and tried to explain. "I was angry. We'd had another argument, and I just... I don't know. I guess I thought it would make me feel better. Or something."

Chunkz shook his head and continued with the timeline. "The next day, I prepared Aj, telling him about how you really liked the girl. And how it looked like she really liked you too. He may have even prepared himself for you to push him away. Especially when you kept inviting her around. I think that's why it hurt him when the one day she wasn't around, you decided to talk to him."

"I-" Niko started, feeling a mixture of anger and shame welling up inside him.

"Just wait, Niko. Let me finish what I was saying." Chunkz interrupted, not letting Niko get a word in. He wanted to make sure the other man understood the gravity of his actions. "I thought that maybe you would both move on and forget what happened until one morning he came downstairs, asking if I had seen you. When I said no, he worked himself up so bad with worry that he threw up in the kitchen sink. That's when he told me you two had slept together, and the first thing he said was how he regretted it and was ashamed. He also told me you knew how much it affected him that night."

Niko felt sick to his stomach, the weight of guilt pressing down on him like a physical force. He couldn't believe what he'd done or how much pain he'd caused Aj. He tried to keep his breathing steady to prevent waking Aj up.

"It's like I said before," Chunkz continued. "Aj had feelings for you. I think he probably still does. But he was scared to admit it to himself, let alone to you. And then there's the panic attacks. I'm no expert, but I think being in love with someone who isn't quite reciprocating and leading him on can be just as bad as that. Maybe worse. And I don't want you to think that Aj's shit mental health is all your fault, because it isn't. But I need you to know that Aj is probably back at his most vulnerable right now. That boy will do anything for you, Niko. He may act like it will kill him to admit it, but he's afraid of losing you. He's lost too much in his life to lose you too, so please do not abuse the power you have."

Niko felt like a monster. He wanted nothing more than to go back in time and undo everything that had happened. He looked over at Aj, who was rubbing at his eye in his sleep, his expression soft with a look of innocence. "I'm so sorry, Chunkz," he whispered. "I didn't realise... I didn't mean to hurt him like that."

"It's not me you need to apologise to. But first, you need to decide what you're doing with Brooke. I mean... have you..." Chunkz trailed off, not wanting to say it aloud.

Niko felt his stomach drop. He knew what Chunkz was asking. He and Brooke had been 'seeing' each other for a few weeks now, but it hadn't felt right. Not since he'd kissed Aj. Nothing was ever official or said, but it still felt wrong. He didn't know how to explain it to Chunkz, though.

"I don't know," he said finally. "I mean, we've been spending time together, but... it's not the same. It's not like how it is with Aj. And no, we haven't done more than... well, what you saw at the party." He paused, feeling a weight in his chest. "I know I need to tell her. I can't keep stringing her along like this."

Chunkz nodded. "That's probably for the best. You need to be honest with her and with yourself. And as for Aj, I think you need to talk to him. Just... talk. Let him know how you feel and what you want. He's not a mind reader, and he's been through enough. He deserves to know where he stands. But I also want you to find out what he wants; don't force him into anything."

Niko took a deep breath and nodded. He knew Chunkz was right. He couldn't keep going like this, hurting Aj without thinking about it.

He would talk to Brooke as soon as he could and then find a way to make things right with Aj. He owed him that much, at the very least.

With a heavy heart, he lay back for a while longer, watching Aj sleep. The way his eyebrows were furrowed, the way he twitched his fingers, and the way his breath hitched every now and then. It was clear that the boy was struggling, even in his sleep. He wanted nothing more than to make things right between them again.

———————————————————————
It's gonna all seem like smooth sailing soon.
But don't worry, not for long tehehe
If you would like to make any requests then feel free.
What duo/trio are you liking the most in this story and why?

-B🎧