𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 ~ | 𝘔𝘢𝘹 𝘝𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯 (2)

The First Year

One year.

One year of living in a world without her.

First, I counted the hours. Then came the days. Then the weeks. Some part of me thought I would never have the strength to count the years.

But I'm still here.

Still breathing, still living. For her. And Clem. 

Everything I do is for them.

The pain is still there, under my skin, burning like acid. It's a constant companion, a shadow that follows me everywhere.

I want to say that I miss her. But missing her isn't the problem. It's knowing that she'll never come back that's killing me.

I wake up every morning, and for a split second, I feel her next to me. I can smell her perfume, feel the warmth of her body. And then reality sets in, and I realize that she's gone.

Everywhere I look, I see her: in Clem's smile, in the way she used to laugh. It's both a blessing and a curse, this constant reminder of what I've lost.

Clem.

Clementine.

My little girl. She's the only thing that keeps me going.

I look at her, and I see her mother in every single feature. The way she scrunches up her nose when she's concentrating, the way her eyes light up when she sees me.

It's been hard, this past year. Raising a toddler on my own. I never knew how much work it would be, how much energy it would take. But somehow, I manage. Lily has been amazing, helping me out on the days when it feels like I can't get out of bed.

She brings Callie over a lot, and they all play together.

To be fair, most days feel like the world is falling apart around me.

I wake up in the middle of the night, my heart racing, my body drenched in sweat. It's been like this for months, these terrible dreams that haunt me, stealing away what little rest I manage to scrounge.

The grief came in waves.

And tonight, I was drowning.

Today, a year ago, my world came to an end. I had been staring at the clock for three hours.

Six minutes until her heart would stop.

Six minutes, 23 seconds.

22

      21

              20

                       19

                               18

                                        17

                                                  16

                                                           15

My heart beat faster with every tick of the clock.

                                                           12

                                                  11

                                     10