𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 ~ | 𝘔𝘢𝘹 𝘝𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯 (2)

One day

15 years later

When people ask me how I'm doing, I always say 'fine' or 'I'm good'.

But the truth is, healing from your death will take me a lifetime.

I still see you in the eyes of the people around me, the way they light up when they talk about you, the way they smile at the memory. I see you in the way they carry themselves, the way they live their lives, as if a part of you lives on through them. It's a comfort, in a way, knowing that you're still here, even if it's just in their hearts.

I still remember the last time I saw you, the last time I held you, the last time I told you how much I loved you. I replay those moments over and over in my head, trying to hold onto them, trying to make them last. 

But life doesn't work that way. Life has a funny way of moving forward, of pushing us forward, even when all we want to do is stay still.

And so here I am, eleven years later, trying to find my way in a world without you. There are moments when it feels as if you've only been gone for a moment, when I can almost imagine you walking through the door. But those moments are fleeting, and they're getting farther apart.

Every morning I wake up only to realize that you're gone all over again.

It's getting a little better, but that ache will never leave me. 

When I lost you, I lost a part of myself too. You left a hole in me that no one will ever be able to fill, because it will always belong to you.

Now I understand.

I understand why you always told me to be strong. Because you knew.

It's been eleven years. I miss you every day, and I've accepted the fact that I always will. But it's no longer like a sudden wave, crashing over me until I can't breathe. It's no longer an urgent ache in my chest that takes my breath away. 

It's more like a gentle, soft beating of a broken heart that had to put it'self back togather, piece by aching piece.

I see you in Clem, in the way she smiles when she's happy, in the way she laughs when she's carefree. Sometimes I see you in Daniel, in the way he cares for her. Sometimes I see you in Lando, in the way he looks at her, protective and loving.

And sometimes I see you in myself. Not the way I used to be, but the person I've become because of you.

Because loving you changed me, it would make sense that losing you would do the same.

Sometimes I wonder if I miss you, or who I was with you.

"Daaaaaaaaaad!"

I turned around at the sound of Clem's voice. She was standing in the doorway of our bedroom, her hair up in a bun and her eyes sparkling with excitement.

The red bull race suit made me blink in surprise. She was wearing it. Her race suit. And it fir perfectly.

"What do you think? It finally fits!" She grinned excitedly. She had tried it on every single year since I gave it to her on her sixth birthday.

"I'm not sure... give me a spin." I crossed my arms with a smile. She rolled her eyes and huffed, but she did it anyway. As soon as she turned her back on me, I scooped her up and threw her over my shoulder.

"DAD!" She yelled through a mixture of giggles and protests as I began to walk to the door.

"We're going to be late! You take foooreeever to get ready, you know that?" I laughed, closing the door behind us.