Treacherous Heart 2: Down Bad Chasing

Pahapyaw

I watched the people passed by in front of me as the hot breeze of La Union's summer embraced me. I remember hating the heat because it ruins my complexion but after staying for a long time in a far away island, I have loved it that I think I want myself to be always with it.

Kakaiba talaga mag surpresa ang mundo. Isang araw ang mga bagay na mahal mo, marahil ay hindi mo na maluguran pa sa puso mo, at ang mga bagay na hindi mo pansin noon ang siyang minamahal mo naman ngayon.

"Momma!"

My lips automatically curved for a smile. I watched her running towards my direction, holding a bucket of sand on her toy basket. Hinipan ng hangin ang kanyang kulot na buhok, sumabay ang akin pero ang kanya ang una kong inayos nang makalapit na siya ng tuluyan sa akin.

She got my soft curls and we looked like twins with our hair and matching swimwear. I bought us both a one piece pink bathing suit for this trip.

"Where's your pretty ninang?" Tanong ko sa anak.

She pouted... na agad kong kinatigilan. She definitely looked a lot like me... but for her certain expressions, I can see him in her.

"I am here!" Tugon ng bestfriend ko, following my daughter from behind.

Her short hair surely suited her two piece orange bikini. Katulad ko, halata ang tan lines niya dulot ng matagal na pag tira sa isla sa mga nakaraang taon.

"Dinner?" Tanong ko habang hinahaplos ang buhok ng anak ko.

"I think let's go for a sunset dinner, what do you think?"

I nodded. Tumayo ako at pinagpag ang nag dikit na buhangin sa hita ko.

"Momma, hand..." Inabot ng anak ko ang kanyang kamay sa akin.

I reached for her and held her too. My heart thumped, making me remember how much I love being hold too.

I craved for my freedom, I got my independence, but I never thought I will miss being... held...

I watched our hands holding, her little hand fits just right on mine. Tinatamaan ng pababang araw. I suddenly remember a certain person who likes holding my hand. A person I never thought I would love to hold too.

The image of the setting sun behind us flickered the image of the home I buried deep inside my heart.

Him holding my hand while I hold our daughter's, just like how he always reaches for me, kahit na nauuna pa siyang mag lakad, lilingon siya at hihintayin ako para mahawakan ang kamay.

Even if he's mad or upset, he will carefully fit his fingers in between mine... like it is his salvation.

Noon, iniisip ko, I will never like him. He was everything I don't like, brute, naughty, hard and arrogant, but... now... seeing him through my most precious gift, mas nadepina lang ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

Sadly, I only knew about my love for him after I had her, hindi iyon nakilala ng inosente kong puso. And now, it's too late. We can never be together, he loves someone else now. I yearn for him but I will never be an hindrance to his happiness because he deserves everything he has now.

He deserves the world.

I respect him with all pieces and versions of me. I honor every decision he made after I left. I acknowledge even his relationships after me.

I have so much respect for love and relationships because I earned mine the hard way.

So I will not fight, I won't intervene, I won't chase, no matter how down bad I am.