"If you truly wish to be with me, know this..." He whispers into the darkness while holding me, "I will control you, command you and tell you what to do." I remember how my eyes burst wide open and I tried to pull free. I completely freaked out. Who...
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When high school started it was warm for the whole month, like summer left us slowly. I remember that because I had never been in such a center of attention from boys only because I was wearing skirts. It was the same class of people as we had previous year plus the people from the small schools, 4 of them if I remember correctly.
We had been one big class before, now they separated us into 3 smaller groups. With them I mean teachers, one for each subject! That was insane to us all, we never knew there would be a need for more than one teacher. Weren't they all know it all after all?
I was part of Class B, I was an average student with a mediocre score with no will to study anything else except history, languages and sports classes were nice too. I hated math, chemistry and physics. I just couldn't bend my head around them. The whole Class B was average, mediocre students. Class A was full of the best students, who wanted to study and C was... Well the ones who were repeating a year (we had one) and those who had difficulties to learn or had some other issues.
The schedules were different and we did not have time to see other classes outside the recess time. Recess was for 15 minutes (lunch 30) and the class lasted for 60 minutes, double was 90. Never been scheduled like that in my entire life! It was tough and I couldn't but agree how Aron, Matt and Tobias used their time; running off from the schoolyard to have a smoke and being late from the next class. Only to be given 15 minutes of detention per one offense. Sure it added up quickly but most of the time they did not even get caught and being late for the class for the whole 2 minutes wasn't too bad. At least the majority of our teachers thought so.
Pia kept me company in most recess times, namesake Christa as well as the other one was in Class A and was busy with Nina studying or whatever else so I was left in my lonesome. Well almost. There were suddenly a whole lot of boys around me, not that I minded they were easy to hang out with and I enjoyed their humor. This did cause issues with my bullies, they were like hawks at it and started to call me out as a slut. And a few other names. The boys didn't seem to care, not one bit actually since more and more started to gather around.
I never joined anyone, I did not wish to provoke my bullies more than I had just by being in the same school but the boys joined me one by one. Aron was usually the first one, and he stood right next to me. It was nice, yet totally strange as we had nothing to talk about. So every time someone walked over and asked what's up, we just looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders. We didn't have anything to say. We just... Stood in silence. It was sort of nice. This was during a time when we did not have mobile- or smartphones. No Nokia ringtones or worm game. Not yet. So we actually had to talk to each other.
I forgot to mention that mum made us move before the schoolyear started. It was right at the school's property border, an old teachers dormitory. The building had 3 apartments, 2 shared an entrance; we lived upstairs, our downstairs neighbor was an old quiet drunk guy who we barely ever saw around. We shared the basement and the only shower was also in the basement. I remember we had to walk all the way down to see if the shower was free before we could just have one. This living situation was absolutely mad, but some great memories happened in this home and the surroundings so I remember these years through some pink tinted sunglasses.
I shared a room with my siblings for a while until I realized I could close the door of the hallway and make that hallway my own room. Well, it was not private by any means but I had my own space. I could barely fit my bed and desk on that hallway but I made it work, while mum was sleeping in the living room on the lumpy couch. You have to praise that woman for working, studying to become a teacher's assistant and keeping us three alive while probably not able to sleep on that couch. It was a horrible, horrible couch. Oh, you probably wonder how or why was I able to block that hallway? Because it was useless, we never walked through it. When entering the apartment the first thing on the right was the kitchen and from the kitchen we entered the other end of that hallway with entrances to the bedroom and living room.
And we also took in a stray cat, a pregnant stray cat. She followed us home one day, I bet she was one of those poor things who were taken in by a summer resident and then just left behind because; "cat is an animal, it'll survive outside by itself". Which is a horrible thing to think for one, but also a damn lie. She was full of worms and pregnant. But she gave birth to 5 kittens, 3 boys and 2 girls. We gave 2 of the boys to Pia and her family. I believe they lived for quite a long time but nothing close to what the other three siblings did, broke 20 years before passing away only a couple of years ago.
Months turned to autumn, then slowly to winter. School was school and we did our best to study and then the next school disco was announced and Christa finally came to me with huge smile on her face, "He is mine!" Matt had finally agreed to date her. Every Time I saw them from that moment on, Christa was quite literally hanging on his arm. He looked like he could murder and I couldn't help but wonder why he had agreed, he looked so miserable!
The day of the disco Aron came to me and leaned against the schoolwall next to me. He had a white knitted cap on and this big down jacket which made him look a little bit like a ball 'cause he was so short. He stood there and I noticed something was up in his mind because somehow everyone else stayed away from us during that recess. I didn't push him, I didn't say anything, I just kept an eye out on the schoolyard, to know where my bullies were so they wouldn't be able to surprise me. And then he goes out of the blue, "I'd like you to be my date tonight. Unless someone has already asked you." I turn to him and I remember tilting my head. He stares straight into my eyes and I ask, "We need a date at the disco now?" He shakes his head, "No, but I'd like to have a chance to spend whole evening with you." I turn my eyes to him for a moment, then shrug my shoulders, "Alright." And he smiles, takes my hand, squeezes it once and then the recess bell rings us in.
I had been saving that one particular skirt I bought on that shopping trip with mum. It was soft, flowy material and as I turned it hugged my skin for a second before settling again. It was perfect for tonight. I didn't feel anything deeper for Aron, but I felt that he needed something steady and well.. Me on my best behavior and looking the best I could tonight.
He had said that he would come and pick me up from home, like a gentleman. We did not agree on time so I had to get ready as soon as I got home. Disco started at 6pm, school ended at 2:30pm. I had enough time and mum had bought me a mascara from our local grocery shop that sometimes got little odd things, bits and bobs. The doorbell went off at 4pm when I was having my dinner, mum opened the door and let Aron in. He stood in the entrance for a second, then looked to his right to the kitchen where mum motioned and his eyes filled up with tears. "You are beautiful." He says and walks up to me, hugs me over the back of the chair and I pat his hands muttering thank you. I remember how mum looked at him then me and nodded to me once, approving? Agreeing? I do not know to this day. I did not dare to ask.
