How To Survive A Horror Movie

1-10

1. Don’t walk around saying “Hello?” like the killer is going to reply “Yeah I’m in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?”

Like, seriously.

It's a KILLER for fuck's sake, not a damned maid.

2. If someone says “Oh yeah, that’s the house where Old Man Jenkins was murdered” then it’s time to move houses.

Instant red flag.

This basically screams "Horror Movie vibes". And the neighbors never say if the killer was caught or killed.

3. If your friend gets bitten by a zombie and says “Maybe I wont turn into one”, kill him. Better safe than sorry.

You already know that the people who got bitten turned, why would your friend be any different.

I mean it's not like your friend has powers to prevent getting turned. Yall's are human, not a fuckin' alien.

4. Going upstairs? Bad idea. You'll have zero escape routes.
Run outside? Don’t fuckin' go there. The killer will always, somehow, magically appear behind or in front of you.
Use phone? It never bloody works. The percentage will turn to zero before you'll have a chance to dial 911.
Gun? Don’t drop it, and make sure that it has enough bullets.
Car? Won’t start or will break down due to lack of gas. Either way, you'll always find the killer in your backseat.
Neighbors? Are never home.
Police? They always die.

5. If something licks your hand in the darkness, it’s not your dog. Your dog is dead.

6. Stay away from places like Amityville, Haddonfield, Camp Crystal Lake, Elm Street and the entire state of Maine.

If you know, you know.

7. If you’re running around completely naked, you might as well just murder yourself.

You're litrally asking to be murdered.

8. If you are black, you will be the first to die. I don’t have a clue as to why, but for some reason, in horror movies, black people always get killed first.

9. If you are annoying, sarcastic, or a wise-ass, you will die before the black guy.

10. If you are a hot blond girl with big boobs, you will die before the annoying guy and the black guy. Especially if your a cheerleader or the so-called popular girl.