How To Survive A Horror Movie

41-50

41. Always have your keys at the ready. You don’t want to be fumbling in your bag going “Oh where are they? I’m sure I have them here somewhere!” while the killer dramatically closes in.

42. Drips are never good.

If you hear a dripping sound, it’s blood. Likewise, if you hear a clang, it’s a meat cleaver and if you hear a thunk, it’s a severed limb, most likely a head.

43. If there is a scary legend, believe it.

It’s real. It doesn’t matter of the legend says the killer has an onion for a head or a bear trap for a mouth. It’s real and he’s coming for you tonight.

44. If someone says “It’s just the wind, guys. Everything’s fine. Stop overreacting”, you should reply “Yeah well I hope I won’t overreact when you’re dead and stuffed beneath the floorboards”.

45. Avoid screaming, crying, whispering, panting, wheezing or breathing heavily when you’re trying to hide. Killers are not deaf.

46. Never bend down to spit out your toothpaste. When you come back up, there’ll be someone standing behind you in the mirror.

47. Don’t go to places with weird names like Terror Lake, Hell Hollow, Devil’s Den, Screamerville, Skull Valley, Dead Man’s Crossing, Spook Hill, Ghost Creek, Bloody Springs or Slaughter Beach.

If you do, your just asking to get mutilated in the worst ways possible.

48. Never go downstairs to check out a weird noise. Especially not in your underwear.

49. If your friends go to check out a strange noise and don’t return, don’t go looking for them. Just make new friends.

50. If your son starts telling you “I see dead people”, put him up for adoption!