How To Survive A Horror Movie

81-90

81. If you hear a little girl singing a nursery rhyme, say “Feet don’t fail me now!” and start running.

Especially if she's singing "Ring around the rosie."

82. Don’t stop at a gas station and ask the creepy old man for directions. He’s not going to help you.

83. After you shoot the killer, don’t drop your gun.

He never dies at the first shot.

84. If someone hands you a videotape and says “If you watch this you will die in 7 days”, don’t bring out the popcorn.

85. If you see something weird, tell someone. Don’t just go “Oh, I must be imagining things.”

86. Always listen to announcements like:

There is a killer in town and the police have asked us to give you the following safety tips: Stay in well-lit areas, do not travel alone and, whenever possible, always wipe front to back.

87. Never get into a car. It will either not start, break down, run out of gas or you will lose the keys. Either way, the killer will be hiding in the back seat and whisper "Peek a boo" at the worst possible moment.

88. If a policeman arrives, don’t get your hopes up. He will be killed just before he reaches you.

89. Find a good hiding place and STAY THERE. If the killer can’t see or hear you, WHY WOULD YOU MOVE!?

90. If you are buying a house and the real estate agent is all like “well, yeah, full disclosure – there were some murders that happened here”, word of advice, buy a different house.