Curves

Alexander Part 2

Grafolita script was an eye catcher.

It was a font that was very much similar to my own hand writing, and I know for a fact that Aaliyah loves my writing.. Not to brag but, she prefers my hand written messages than text messages -- I guess that says something in a way.

I scrolled through a few more fonts before I decided to print out the name in Grafolita Font.

As I waited for the picture to print, I looked around my home office.

What if I died today? Is this all that I leave here for my family ? Most importantly--my sister? A house filled with depression, an excessive amount of materialistic items, and an enormous amount of loneliness?

I'm pathetic.

My house is not as clean as my OCD would like, but I feel drained of any amount of motivation. Any amount of hope left when all of my trust went into whatever I was trying to build with -- it.

Way to go Alana! You still can't even say the bastards name.

I can't keep doing this.
I can't keep beating myself up.
I'm better than this.
I am not this person.
This is not Alana.
This is not the same smart mouth, confident, curvy woman that God has molded me to be.

I'm not doing this anymore.

"No more tears," I whispered to myself as I plugged my iPhone 6 Plus into my MartinLogan - ElectroMotion ESL 8" Floor Speakers.

Another splurge, I know. But these speakers? They were worth the 1200 dollars.

Music is my outlet. Music is my first love. Music kept me sane when it was me against the world-- Well keeps me sane when it is me against the world.

Sometimes...
What may be the best thing for you to do
Sometimes it the hardest thing for you to do
And thats real
Cause I know that I love you..

"Ooh yes, this is my shit," I said as I began slow dancing in the middle of the living room.

I know how I feel about you
But I also know that don't make everything alright
And for that reason
I gotta say ..
"Goodbye.." I added. I took this time to begin cleaning the house.

After hearing a little over 20 more throw back jams, I had finally got the house top notch, and it was approaching 7 pm.

"Good job beautiful," I told myself after passing one of my bathroom windows.

I sat in front of my vanity and messed in my hair.

"I swea' befo' god, yo hair nappy as l'."

I turned to see Avery.

With a eye roll, I turned backed to my vanity and pulled my hair out of the ponytail.

I am looking a little nappy..

Due to me being natural, my hair kinks when it sweats and just combing it hurts worse than getting pinched in church for talking during service.

"I see you finally cleaned yo' nasty ass house though. Took yo nasty ass long enough; Could've sworn you was gone need some mouse traps."

Ha, ha, ha.

Bitch.

"The only mouse that would've gotten trapped was you."

He sucked his teeth and mushed my head before plopping down on my bed and turning on The Game.

It was mostly quiet minus the fact Malik was taking an acting class with Lauren London.

"What changed?"

I stopped oiling my hair and turned to face him.

"What?"

"What. Changed."

I looked in my ceiling mirrors, what did change?

I know I was fed up, but I have been fed up for months. What changed?

Unknowingly, I said: "My heart."

Avery turned the T.V. off and rolled over so his face was facing me and I continued.

"I believe I hit rock bottom. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired of unknowingly putting my life on hold just to avoid him. I worked my ass off to become the lawyer that I am today, and up until all of this happened, I had never had a client drop me nor have I ever lost a case. I use to be able to out my heart in soul in my work, but I let him change me. I finally let someone in, and in that short period of time-- I lost me."

I turned to my vanity and began to oil my scalp.

After some time, I continued.

"But it was not all bad. I gained from that relationship. I gained Aaliyah, I gained love, I gained experience, I gained knowledge, and in the end a new and improved Alana. I admit, it still hurts and these are still fresh scars, but as for me? The sky is the limit. I have to go hard. If not for anybody, not even myself, it would all be for Aaliyah."

He came over to me and gave me a kiss on my forehead before heading to leave.

"Avery?"

"Whats poppin'?"

"I want a tattoo--of Aaliyah's name."

He smiled and continued to leave out the door, and turned back to me.

"One word: Alexander," and with that he headed down the stairs.