Longing
Rafa's
I feel better now. Maybe Felipe was right, well in the kind of relationship we had, he was always right. He knows what I want even before I tell him, or even before I have figured myself up, he already knows. Kaya siguro naisip ko noong sobrnag perfect naming sa isa't isa, kaya naisip ko noon na kahit na anong gawin ko ay hindi ako iiwanan ni Felipe dahil sobrang patient niya pagdating sa akin, well, now I know that's not even possible, but at least we had the talk, and we have closed that chapter of our lives and now, I feel a lot better.
Kung mayroon isang tao sa hacienda na hindi maganda ang mood, si Jaqueline iyon. I'm sure she is missing him, but she stayed here, Nakakaramdam siguro siya ng pagtatampo kay Felipe. Nasabi kasi ni Jaque sa akin na nangako raw ang fiancé niya sa kanya na rito muna sila hanggang sa susunod na buwan, I also noticed that she isn't answering his calls, baka nag – LQ talaga. I just silently hope that they will be able to get through this and things will be better between them again.
It is a beautiful Wednesday morning – well for me – dahil nang makita ko si Crisanto ay nakasimangot na kaagad siya, so naisip kong baka hindi maganda ang Wednesday para sa kanya. My family always have breakfast sa Lanai at doon ako nagdiretso. I was all smiles when I saw my Mom and Papa sitting at their own respective seats, talking to one another, Ditas – my already 17- years – old niece is here too, she was busy dipping her suman sayema. As usual, Crisanto isn't smiling, but I am now, so I don't really care.
"Morning, Family!" I giggled at them. Lalong kumunot ang noo ni Santi nang makita ako.
"You look well." Komento niya sa akin.
"Santi, tigilan mo si Yafa, ha." Babala agad ni Papa sa kanya. Nanlaki naman ang mata ng kapatid ko.
"Pa! Wala pa nga akong ginagawa!"
"Ah, basta! Ayusin mo iyang pakikitungo sa kapatid mo." I kissed my mother's cheek, Mom gave me a plate of rice, pinapipili niya ako ng ulam.
"Anak, kausapin mo nga si Jaque, she seemed so sad these past three days. Maybe she's missing Felipe."
"Kung nami-miss niya pala si Felipe, bakit hindi na lang kasi siya sumama umuwi doon sa lalaking iyon?" Komento pa ni Santi. Hindi man kami magkasundo dahil sa mga ilang bagay sa pagitan naming dalawa, I know for a fact that he is right, pero naiintindihan ko rin si Jaque, nagtatampo siguro talaga siya kay Felipe. I only nodded at my mom and made a note to knock on her door later bago ako magpunta sa shop ni Pan.
Matapos kong kumain ay inakyat ko si Jaque sa silid niya. I knocked three times, the door was open so I ame in. I found her laying on the bed, looking sad. Ako lang yata talaga ang gumaan ang pakiramdam sa pag – alis ni Felipe. He is really right, hindi maganda para sa akin na nandito siya. He knows that I couldn't breathe while he is here that's why I am this thankful that he chose to leave than stay here and watch me till I lose it all.
I sat on the edge of the bed and patted Jaque's feet. Tumingin siya sa akin. I gave he ra kind smile, noon siya bahagyang humarap sa direksyon ko. Later, she sat up, hugged her knees and gave out a deep sigh.
"Jaque, what's wrong? Is it Felipe? If you miss him that much, you could just come home too. Not that you're not welcome here, we love having you her,e but if you miss him to the point that you are this miserable---"
"I don't think Felipe loves me."
Natigilan ako. I feel like my world is crumbling too. Napakalungkot ng boses nii Jaqueline isama pa ang reaksyon ng mukha niya. She looked like she didn't even have an ounce of sleep, her eyes were fluffy – tulad noong mga mata ko noong nakaraang mga araw dhail wala akong tigil ng iyak. My heart is breaking for her, pero paano niya nasabi na hindi siya mahal ni Felipe gayong siya ang inaya nitong magpakasal? Of course, Felipe loves her, hindi si Felipe iyong tipo ng taong magse-settle for convenience. He knows what he wants and he will never settle for less. Napakamature na tao ni Felipe, hindi siya tulad ng mga gagong kalalakihan sa mundo and that is why I find it hard to believe that he isn't in love with Jaqueline. I saw the way he looks at her and it's full of love.
