Felipe's
TWO WEEKS have passed since I last heard from Yaffa. Wala na akong balita sa kanya pagkatapos noon. I choose not to know. I guess that it was better for me to not know anything so that it will be easier for me. But I do miss her. Ilang beses kong gustong suntukin ang sarili ko. I ask myself those what ifs every night before I fall asleep. Kung hindi ko siguro iniwanan si Yaffa noon, kung hindi ako sumuko, I could've been her comfort zone now. Magkasama kaming dalawa. I won't have to wait and these uncertainties will fade. Naiisip ko kasing paano kung makalimot nga si Yaffa sa mga nakakasakit sa kanya but in the long run, makalimutan niya rin ako? Paano iyon? Paano ako?
"You can't sleep huh?" I heard Ruel's voice. I was sitting at the patio with a glass of beer on my hand that night. Nilingon ko ang kapatid ko. He seemed to have just woken up. He has this look that he just woke up. He sighed and stood beside me. Kinuha niya ang beer bottle sa kamay ko at saka iyon tinungga. "Baby woke up. Had to change the diapy. What are you thinking?"
"Yaffa..." Hindi ko na itinanggi. Ruel sighed. "Ikaw, anong iniisip mo?"
"Our family. Now that Avo is sick, what about our family? I told Andy about my worries. She listened well, she understood me, nag-suggest siya ng mga pwedeng gawin kay Avo at sa pamilya in case – well – you know. Alam ko namang hindi ako mag – isa, but I couldn't help but worry. Hindi pa ayos si Elias Martin. Nagwawala pa siya, what about our other brothers? Si Santino? Anong mangyayari kay Papa, paano na ang kompanya?" He sighed again. "I love pur family, but sometimes I wish that our other siblings will actually care about us."
Hindi na ako kumibo. He's just rambling. Isa pa, alam kong kapag sinabi ni Ruel sa lahat ang katotohanan tungkol sa kalagayan ni Avo, everyone will make a fuss about it. Mahal na mahal naming lahat si Avo. We grew up away from our father, pero kapag nakauuwi na kami sa poder niya, Avo is our salvation. She makes everything easier for us.
"We will make it through, Ruel. I believe that." Tinapik – tapik ko ang balikat ni Ruel. We both sighed as we share that one bottle of beer. Kung ano – ano pang pinagkuwentuhanan naming dalawa. He talked about his future plans for the company, but he was mostly concerned for our other siblings. Ang sabi sa akin ni Ruel ay titipunin niya ang lahat sa weekend at sasabihin na niya ang kalagayan ni Avo. I only told him that I will be with him every step of the way.
Si Ruel ang panganay kaya sa kanya nakaatang ang lahat ng responsibilidad na ito.
"Ikaw? Kamusta si Yaffa?"
"Oh... she left."
"Why? What happened?"
"She wanted to heal herself. She can only do that if she's away. It's okay. If letting her heal means that I could have her back whole and happy, then I will gladly wait for her even if it takes a long time."
"Pero hindi ka na bumabata." Biro niya sa akin. Tumawa na rin ako – kahit pilit.
"That's not really my concern now. I just want her happy. Kung sad ulo nito ay hindi na siya babalik sa akin, then so be it, but I will wait until she can smile again."
"Then... Goodluck to you."
"Thanks. I needed that." It was true. I don't know what will happen in the future everything seems so unclear right now. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay maging masaya siya, so then, she can decide clearly. Kung hindi niya pa rin mabibigay ang sagot na iyon, maghihintay ako – kahit gaano katagal, kahit na ibig sabihin noon tumanda akong naghihintay sa kanya.
The next day came, Ruel and I went to the office and spent our days doing corporate work. Pahinto – hinto ako sa trabaho. Iniisip ko si Yaffa, I keep on looking at her Instagram, hoping that she will post an update. Baka sa pagtingin – tingin doon ay malaman ko kung nasaan siya. I just want to know, hindi ko naman siya pupuntahan. Gusto ko lang malaman kung gaano siya kalayo sa akin.
Pero napakadamot ni Yaffa sa pagkakataong ito. Two weeks since she last talked to me, but she hasn't posted anything. Maybe she's enjoying her time alone right now. I hope she is healing. I hope she can find her happiness. I really hope that wherever she is now, she is safe and warm.
"Sir, you have a visitor." My thoughts stopped when my EA spoke through the intercom. Wala naman akong inaasahang bisita, ayoko sanang makipag-usap kahit kanino, but maybe its urgent, so I asked my EA to let the visitor in. Ganoon na lang ang gulat ko nang makita si Jaqueline na pumasok sa office.
Ang tagal kong hindi siya nakita. I haven't even thought about her for a long time. Okupado ni Yaffa at ni Avo ang puso at isipan ko. So, seeing her now makes now surprised me.
"Hi." I greeted her politely. Jaqueline slowly sat on the visitor's chair while eyeing me. "What brings you here?"
"I heard Yaffa is in Spain." Oh, she is? I was hoping I'd know where she is, pero hindi ko inaasahang kay Jaqueline ko pa malalaman iyon. Ngumiti lang ako sa kanya. Wala naman akong ideya, masaya lang akong malaman kung nasaan siya. "Hindi rin pala kayo nagkabalikan." I could understand why Jaqueline sounded so bitter and angry. Napabuntong – hininga pa ako.
"Jaqueline, hindi pa tayo nakakapag – usap. I just want to apologize for causing you pain." Wika ko sa kanya. Tumaas ang dulo ng labi niya.
"Does it mean na hindi ka pa rin makikipagbalikan sa akin kahit na wala si Yaffa? She's in Spain. Iniwan ka niya. Mas pinili niyang umalis kaysa makasama ka. Why not choose me? Ibinigay ko naman lahat sa'yo. Ano bang kulang?"
"I don't love you, Jaqueline." Malumanay na wika ko. "I liked you. I enjoyed our time together. Noong magkasama tayo wala akong ibang karelasyon, ikaw lang. I was loyal to you. I didn't even think about Yaffa all those times that we were in France. I'm sorry that my feelings for her blossomed again when we came back here. I'm sorry that you were hurt by it. I'm sorry for everything. I hope in time, you can forgive me. Us. Pero sana, kung magagalit ka – and it's understandable, sana sa akin na lang. Yaffa did nothing. She tried to stay away. There were no lines crossed. I apologize."
Nakatitig lang siya sa akin. I was kind of expecting a slap in the face for being this forward. But instead, she stood up and took her bag.
"How can you be like this? Galit ako kasi nagmukha akong tanga, but you're here and you apologized. Inaalisan mo ako ng karapatang magalit sa'yo at kay Yaffa. I know na wala siyang ginawa. Alam kong hindi ko rin pwedeng ipilit ang sarili ko sa'yo. I love you so much but I cannot make you love me. I'm sorry too, and yes, galit ako. Galit ako kasi bakit ako kulang? Bakit hindi na lang ako? I guess the only answer to that is because I am not Yaffa."
"I'm sorry. I hope you find someone that will give you the love that you deserve." Mahinahon pa ring wika ko. She took a deep breath.
"Fine... I'll leave but I'll torture you a bit. Yaffa has a new IG. She posted a few hours ago." Iniharap niya sa akin ang phone niya and in the screen I saw Yaffa standing in front of Sagrada Familia. She was smiling, she looked happy, and I should be happy too – okay n asana ang lahat kung mag – isa lang si Yaffa pero hindi.
Beside her, stood Lantis.
Ah... so they are together.
My heart shattered.
