Felipe's
THE dinner was awkward after Rafaelle left. I had this urge to run after her because I thought that she might need someone to talk to, but I was reminded that Jaque was next to me and that Rafa's not my territory anymore. All I had done was sit there, look at at her until she's out of sight anymore. I sighed again.
The family became tense, and Santi looked as if he just realized what he did. Hindi ako natutuwa sa kung paani niya tinatrato si Rafaelle. He doesn't know anything, he doesn't know how hard Rafa is of herself because of her family's situation. Hindi nila alam kung gaano kahirap para kay Raf ana pakibagayan silang lahat. I'm kind of glad that she was able to get something out tonight. Wala pa iyon sa kalahati ng nararamdaman ni Rafa, pero masaya ako na nasabi niya ang ilan sa mga ito. I sighed again. The dinner ended, Jaque and I politely said goodbye. Hindi pa rin ako mapakali kaya tahimik lang ako habang nasa byahe. I couldn't take Rafa's face off my mind. She was in so much pain. Hanggang ngayon ay iba pa rin ang dating sa akin ng mga luha ni Rafa I was so focused on not making her cry before that up until now, if I see her cry, all the warning bells in my head turns on.
"Love, are you okay? You seemed tensed." Hinawakan ni Jaque ang braso ko. I just looked at her. I don't really want to discuss Rafa with her but I couldn't really help it.
"Are you not worried for Rafa?"
"Why? Because she got upset over Santi?" Balik tanong niya sa akin. Nagkibilit balikat naman siya. "To be honest, I think Rafaelle deserves that. You don't expect Santi to come to their lives and accept the fact that they have another sibling. Tapos hindi naman nila nakasama. Ako nga, I only met Rafaelle when I was thirteen. Sa New York pa, even then hindi ko na siya masyadong gusto, sobrang spoiled brat ni Rafaelle. Like, why can't she come home, bakit kailangan pa siyang puntahan ni Tita sa Amerika? Diba? Kaya ganyan ang ugali ni Rafa kasi spoiled siya."
I cannot believe what I am hearing. There and then I wanted to tell Jaque that she is the spoiled brat – that Andy is right, feeling entitled si Jaque. I clenched my fist around the steering wheel.
"I thought you like Rafaelle. She is your cousin."
"I endure, Rafa. I don't have to like her to endure her. Ayokong ma-bad shot kay Tita Nadia. She's my godmother and she buys and gives me a lot of things. Hindi naman ako tanga para ipakita na ayoko kay Rafa, matitigil rin ang pagbibigay niya sa akin ng regalo."
I couldn't stand what I was hearing. Rafaelle doesn't deserve any of this. As far as I know, napaka-genuine ni Rafa kay Jaque pero heto siya at kung anong pinagsasabi. I speed up a bit, pakiramdam ko ay nasasakal ako sa presence ni Jaque, hindi ko kayang nandito siya ngayon. Hindi ko siya kayang tingnan. I don't know why I am feeling like this, maybe because it's Rafa and I am always protective of her, or maybe because I find it appalling that she thinks this way. Paano pa kaya sa ibang tao? Ganito rin ba siya mag – isip?
I stopped the car in front of their home. I felt Jaque touching my arm. I finally looked at her.
"Let's go inside, Love..." Oh, she wants sex. But I am not in the mood for that. Not after what she told me about Rafaelle. Wala akong gana sa kahit na anong may kinalaman sa kanya. I only sighed. Hindi ko na alam kung pang – ilang beses na akong napabuntong – hininga ngayong gabi. Ang gusto ko na lang ay makaalis dito. Iniisip ko kung hahanapin ko ba si Rafaelle. What if she's crying now? What if she needs someone to be with tonight? She gets extra sappy whenever she is hurt, hindi pa nga rin siya kumakain, what will I do to make her feel a little better?
"Love?"
"Let's not see each other anymore, Jaque." Wika ko sa kanya. Nang muli kong tingnan si Jaqueline ay nanlalaki ang kanyang mga mata. Tila nag – aapuhap siya ng sasabihin pero walang salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya. She just looked like a gaping fish out of water. Napalunok pa siya.
