Infinite Temptations

I think

Theo's POV:

I sat with the kids outside under the large Oak tree so we were shaded from the sun. Mason had an appointment and I ensured him I would be fine with both of the kids. I had a large soft blanket set up and both of the kids laid in between my legs. Michael was released from the hospital wing three days ago and he was thriving. Kela didn't seem too bothered by him, at least as long as I fed them separately.

I brought them outside for some fresh air and to just keep myself out of the house and out of my office. Distracting myself from Mason not being here. I talked to the babies quietly and let them both grab one of my fingers. I looked up when someone approached.

"Hey."

"Hey, Pollo."

He took a seat on the blanket. "Introducing them to the wonders of a tree?" He smiled.

The side of my mouth tilted up. "Yeah. I guess so."

"How are you?"

"I'm okay."

"Even though your next heat is due next week?"

"I mean... I can't say I'm looking forward to it." I shrugged. "Especially with our family's luck with birth control."

"Oh, are you getting birth control?"

"Uhm... No. I don't really see the point in having the surgery to get it in place and not being healed enough for heat to not be blatant agonizing pain. I think we are going to try the pills but I'm of the mind that whatever happens... happens. I'll just have to deal with it, if it happens."

"What's Mason's thought on that? I mean... with everything that happened with Michael, I don't see him jumping at the chance for another so soon."

"We haven't spoken about it. I... Don't tell anyone but I was considering riding this one out."

"What? No. I know I don't understand heats because..."

"I know. You don't have to say it. I'm sorry."

He nodded and cleared his throat as he leaned over and snagged Kela from the ground, sitting her up in his lap so she was leaning against his chest.

"Anyways... I know that heats hurt. You don't have to go through that when you have your mate."

"They do hurt... they feel like your entire body is on fire and there's a ton of pain but... I'm an Alpha. I can go through it and we won't even have to risk a pregnancy. I know for a fact that Mason's not going to like that idea, so I haven't said anything yes."

"Of course he's not going to like that idea. It's stupid. You're putting yourself through unnecessary pain because you're scared you'll get pregnant again."

I gave him a small chuckle. "I know... but it's really the best option. I mean... we still need to get his induction ceremony to happen, we still have to get married. Having me get pregnant with two infants already, one of which literally spent 48 days in the hospital, and almost died... Isn't ideal."

I stared down at Michael. Apollo sighed.

"Look... There's always going to be things that are in the way. Your first pregnancy happening when it did is proof of that. You're the Alpha. Something is always going to be there that makes you think it's poor timing or shouldn't happen, that's kind of part of your title."

"I'm already failing." I whispered, looking up at him. "I didn't want kids because of what happened to Paisley and I. Then I was... raped while pregnant and..." My lower lip trembled. "That really messed me up. I act like I'm fine but I'm not. Sex with Mason doesn't bother me anymore but I'm not okay with what happened. I'm not over it. Being molested at a young age and then that.. It didn't start me out on a good path. Mentally I've struggled with everything. Sure, right now, I'm handling both of them. But if they start crying... I panic. I think they've both spent more time with Dad's and Becky and Mason than with me. I don't want to mess them up. Or get too close and have them targeted. And I still don't know where Tucker is. If he shows up and I am pregnant, he might just kill me. Or at least the baby. I am terrified, every day. I don't know how to live with that."