Dear, God:
I don't know if I believe in you
Or if you believe in me
I don't know what I believe
Let alone what you believe
It's become hard to decipher what you want
If you are even there
If you are even real
I want to believe you exist
I want to believe I was created from love
And I have a purpose to fill
I have someone watching me
Lovingly
But the more I think about it
The harder it becomes to believe you
And then the harder it becomes to believe in you
Let alone trust you
But if you must know
When I'm scared
I still find myself praying to you
Hoping that you hear me
And that you know
If you are real
I half believe you
And I think that maybe you'll save me
Because I know that no one else will
I know that may be selfish, but I can't help but half believe you
I can't help but pray when life gets scary
Because that's what I was taught to do
Pray and it will go away
Pray and he will love you
All I wanted was to be loved
I prayed, I prayed
Sometimes I think there is a realness to you
Because the prayers have been answered
But then I question you
When you say gay people go to hell
And judge people cruelly
That's when I don't feel you
Or think you're there
And sometimes I feel ignored
Sometimes I feel scared
You weren't there
No one was
No one except me
How do I believe you
When I've never seen you
And half the time you aren't there
But still, I pray
Because there's the voice at the back of my head saying
"He's there, just pray, everything will be okay"
Sincerely, I hope it is
Dear, God:
I sincerely hope you can hear me
If you are real
And if you are truly there
I hope you know
Somewhere within me
I truly hope
That someday
I can forgive you
And you can forgive me.
YOU ARE READING
Where The Grass Grows
PoesiaA poetry collection about life & death, love, loss, & grief. Written through the lens of a 15-17-year-old girl. These poems are a collection of my story. Take care of them. They mean the world to me.
