He knows that he wants her, and he will get her...
Emrys Lennox had it all, academic validation, wit and charm all wrapped up in a thin layer of lethal beauty. His family name provided him all the attention and spotlights he desired, and what his mo...
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And I can go anywhere I want
Anywhere I want, just not home
And you can aim for my heart, go for blood
But you would still miss me in your bones
My tears ricochet - Taylor Swift
Gone... Gone... Gone...
The words scream inside my head in a torturous frantic mantra, covering the sound of the heaving rain against the metal of my car.
Gone... Gone... Gone...
I hit the gas further, in my desperate search for Sierra, speed limits no longer matter, in fact, nothing matters since my girl is now nowhere to be found, not at the Reyes's, not at the Lowell's and definitely not at her favorite coffee shop or at her favorite bookshop, just 'no's' upon 'no's' wherever I look for her.
There is one thing they don't mention when writing parenting guides, it's how to not worry, how to not let a teenager's actions drive you to the edge of insanity, how to manage to keep them safe and close and happy.
Growing up, I only had one of those at a time, happiness was only a concept I knew later, when my mother finally decided she had enough from my father's self-destructive tendencies, when she chose herself for once in her entire damn life, only for it to backfire on her a few years later.
Gone... Gone... Gone...
Like mom have been gone before they eventually found her dead, gone the way Ace has been gone for nearly two decades now, gone like Levi and Addie were without my mom, gone like Aurora was without Ace.
The worse part about loss isn't the loss itself, it's the way it's engraved inside our heads, it's the way every time we lose something, we can't help but remember that one loss, and replay it over and over again like it's the key moment in our lives.
After mom died, I had never thought I'd be happy again, never wanted to be happy again since the one person who kept me and our family happy was no longer there, creating a cliff between all of us. In my grief, I had left the States, started a new life in Spain away from my step-father and siblings.
Even with Serafina, my happiness was just an euphemism, just passionate physical connection away from the actual emotional support, we were both reckless and young, looking for a way so the other fix us but failing since we couldn't even fix ourselves.
Then Sierra Lynn happened...
And I finally had the hope that maybe I can be happy again...
She was so small when I first held her, with her pink face scrunched as I held her close to my chest, I was happy, beyond even my own imagination, happy and proud, proud of my little girl, my flesh and blood, my legacy, my small bundle of joy.
