Consider Me Gone

Chapter 15.

Jax

I walked into the house to see Tara sitting at the breakfast table. My mom had warned me that she saw Tara talking to Toni at the fundraiser, and I knew there'd be some trouble when I got home. I knew Tara was looking for answers, just never thought that Toni would be the one to give them to her.

I silently took my seat on the chair across from her, and Tara straightened up in her chair. She looked like she'd been crying, and somehow the feeling in this room felt all too familiar. It felt like the time when she told me she was leaving for Chicago to go live with her aunt.

My jaw trembled as I waited for her to say the inevitable and I prepared myself for the speech. "It's just a matter of time before it hurts our kids."

"I'd never let that happen," I said reassuringly, but I knew she was way past listening.

"I'm sorry. I have to go," she said confirming my assumptions. "I have to get them out of here."

My eyes clenched shut and for a moment I felt my heart stop. "I know. I thought I knew what we were getting into, but we're in over our heads."

"There's a conference up at Providence Hospital in Oregon the day after tomorrow. They're interested in me," she said the last part carefully, and I smiled warmly at her.

"You should go," I said mimicking the same words I said nearly twelve years ago. "Take Elyda and bring the boys with you. Just stay there until things calm down here, and then we'll figure it out."

A tear escaped Tara's eye as she nodded her head at my instruction. "What about Gemma?"

"Tell her the truth. You're protecting our family." I reached across the table to hold her hands in mine. "I'm sorry you had to make this decision." Tara choked back on her tears as she fought completely losing it at the table. I released her hands and then got up from the table, I was feeling a mix of emotions, and I needed some air.

"Where are you going?!" Tara called out to me, but I couldn't be near her right now. I couldn't just cry and cuddle all night while my family got ready to pack up and leave without me. I was hurt, I understood the decision, but I was hurt, nonetheless.

Even though it wasn't true, Tara's decision to leave made me feel like she didn't trust me to protect our family. As irrational as that conclusion was, it hurt my pride to see her go. This hurt more than the first time she left, and I found myself wanting to blame Toni for influencing her decision.

Although Tara had shown signs of wanting to leave before, it seemed that every time she talked to my ex-wife, she had a new reason to leave. I couldn't stop her from talking to Toni, in fact, I was slightly to blame for her courage, but I could stop Toni from talking to her.

So, as I drove in the night, I made my way to Toni's apartment with anger in my step that made her four flights of stairs a breeze to get through. Thankfully, I didn't see her new boyfriend's car out front, and luckily for him, he wouldn't be around for this.

I wasn't going to knock anyway, probably would have just broken in like last time. But Toni's door was open while her bags of groceries sat at the entrance. That gave me time to pick them up and walk right in to find her in the kitchen putting more bags down on the counter.

I slammed the door with my foot behind me, and she jumped when she noticed it was me. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" She was half startled, half angry.

I dropped her groceries on the ground, not caring if there was anything breakable in the bags. "STAY AWAY FROM TARA!" I ordered her. She looked taken aback by my words, "What?! Why don't you tell your fiancé to stay away from me? She's the one who's always asking me questions."

"You don't have to answer her Toni, why don't you just mind your own business?!"

"I would love to, I crave to. It's just that no one in your family allows me to."

"Toni, I'm not joking," I said getting up in her face. "You're always messing things up! Sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. When will you finally learn?!"

Toni didn't seem intimidated by having me in her face, and she squinted her eyes at me. She said nothing as she looked me up and down, and then there was a look of realization. "She's leaving you, isn't she?"

"What?"

Toni laughed, "Oh my gosh, she's leaving you again?" The satisfaction on her face only angered me further, and I grabbed the flower vase on her counter and threw it at the wall, causing it to shatter into a million pieces. The roses mixed with the water and the glass, made a mess of her wooden floors, but even after all of that, she didn't seem affected.

"Wow, she's leaving soon. Couldn't handle it, huh? I guess things haven't changed."

"Tara has changed!" I argued, even though the current situation would prove otherwise.

"Bold words coming from the man who's getting left." Toni fought the laugh that was threatening to come from her lips. "Oh, cheer up, you're prepared for this. You've already been left by her before, you know how this goes."

"Oh, laugh it up, you're just bitter," I spat.

Toni's eyebrows rose, "Bitter? Nah, I'm jealous, at least you saw this coming, you blinded me. I just wish I got the same courtesy." I could still hear the laughter clear in her voice, and as much as I wanted to hate her, she was right. I blindsided Toni, and as much as I hated her enjoyment of my situation, she deserved to laugh at me.

"I guess I should thank you for stopping by. It's nice to see what I was blind to with a fresh set of eyes. When she left the first time, hell, I thought you were crying for me. Imagine how I felt, declining a full scholarship to Washington just for you." Toni shook her head, "Can you believe we got married on this very day? I remember going down to the courthouse with you to prove that I was all in and then enrolling in the community college down the road just so I would have enough credits to go to UCSF. Stupid, just stupid."

I tore my eyes away from Toni as she went on her rant. I didn't even realize that she remembered today. I kept it in the back of my mind, but it never occurred to me that she did too.

"Well, I guess this is my gift. I gave up everything for you the first time she left, and now that she's leaving again, you have nothing. Happy anniversary, and thanks for the show."

Toni turned her back to me to symbolize that she was done with our conversation, and I felt awkward as I left her apartment in a much calmer state than before. I had come here to be angry with her, but somehow, I was leaving her apartment angry with myself.