Toni
Last night was the first time in three years that I settled into the hurt that Jax and Tara caused me. I've had three years, countless therapy sessions, and random sessions of hot yoga to take my mind off of them. I never wanted them to have the satisfaction of seeing me sad or depressed over their betrayal so I just buried my feelings.
This arrangement worked for a while because I naively thought that they would respect my wishes and leave me alone. But by some twist of fate, Tara has put in her head that I have all the answers to her problems, and now Jax and his chaotic family are shoving their way through my walls.
I hate it, I absolutely hate it, and I hate myself even more for allowing it to affect me like it has. Life was just starting to get good and I had finally felt comfortable enough to start dating again, but now I have that weary feeling in my chest that I always did throughout my marriage.
Never being able to fully be at peace, constantly looking over my shoulder, always feeling like someone was going to take the little bit of happiness I had from me was what my life felt like with Jax. Sure, there were happy times, but they never lasted long enough to provide me with any sense of security. So, when I found out that Jax and Tara were having an affair, yes I was hurt, but the first night on my own felt more peaceful than I'd felt in years.
My heart only broke because I truly did love Jackson. I was willing to sacrifice everything just to be with him. I loved him at his core, and it hurt that he betrayed me in such a grave way. However, I can't decide which heartbreak hurt worse, losing my best friend or my husband.
I called my sisters last night and video-chatted with them after Jax left. They didn't know the nitty-gritty of all the club drama, but Angela and Lisa had a preexisting hatred in their heart for Jax since our divorce so spending an hour to bash him wasn't hard. Both of them lived on the North Coast, so it was usually me who was sitting alone in my apartment.
Lisa encouraged me to call Mark, something about using him to take my mind off Jax, but I didn't want to admit that I was too embarrassed to do that. This would be the second time that Jax had barged into my apartment, and I didn't want to designate Mark as the guy who was unlucky enough to pick up the pieces after every catastrophe.
However, there was a reason my parents called Angela and Lisa the terror twins. I had no idea how they managed to find Mark's information, but around 2 AM, I was surprised to hear a knock at my door.
At first, I thought it would be Tara, coming here to bring further damage to my life, but when I saw Mark standing there with a bag of groceries all my anger dissipated. He stood there with a sweet smile on his face and I had no choice but to step to the side and let him in.
He explained that he got a strange call only an hour ago from two women, one of whom was giggling loudly in the back. They gave him firm instructions on how to not break my heart, and how to also cook my favorite breakfast. After hearing that, Mark went to the only open store in town to grab the essentials and made his way over to my apartment.
It was probably the most thoughtful and romantic gesture I had ever received. The only thing that was missing was some theatrical rain to top it off.
Mark tried his best to stay awake and talk to me but after a shift at the hospital, he was just about as tired as I was. He fell asleep next to me, and although it's been three years since I've had a man in my bed, I didn't feel nervous about it. I felt comfortable with him, even though we'd only known each other for such a short time.
"Good morning," I felt Mark's arm snake around my waist and pull me closer to his chest. I'd woken before he did, but for some reason, I didn't want to move. "Mornin'," I said flipping over to meet his eyes.
The light from my window dimly lit up the room, so that I had a chance to admire his beautiful features. "It looks like we've missed breakfast," Mark said gesturing over to the alarm clock behind me. "Oh well," I said shrugging my shoulders, "all the more reason to stay in bed."
"Amen to that," Mark brought his face closer to mine until his lips pressed up against mine. He kissed me slowly, but not without lacking passion. "What do you say we take a personal day today?" he asked when we broke apart.
My brows furrowed, "and do what? I'm on call today, remember?"
"I remember, but I also know that, when I left, everything was just fine. Come on, I want to take you out for the day, let's get away from all of this."
I thought about what Mark was saying, for a moment and contemplated the odds of being called today. I've been on call before many times, but I was rarely called in the last few months to come in. So, I felt pretty confident that there would be no problem with me going on a day trip with Mark.
"Okay, let's do it," I said after a few minutes of silence. A smile spread on Mark's face before he kissed me again. I broke into a fit of giggles when buried his head in between my collar and jaw. The feeling of anything near my neck was extremely ticklish, and Mark didn't relent when I began to beg for mercy.
My laughs only seemed to die when the ticklish feeling against my neck became something much more. Something that made me slightly tilt my head back so that Mark could continue on his path.
"Why aren't you laughing anymore?" he whispered in my ear. His voice was low and raspy and it sent a chill down my spine.
I wanted to say something back, something slick that would give me the upper hand, but he was doing something to my ear that was causing my mind to go blank and I didn't want him to stop.
"Mark," I said finally finding my voice to speak.
He pulled his head back and looked at me adoringly. I can't remember the last time someone looked at me this way, and even though I haven't known Mark for long, it felt genuine.
"What is it?" he said caressing my face with his hand.
"Thanks for comin'," I said, and I meant every word. No matter if this thing between us was just a fling or a whirlwind romance. I was grateful for Mark in ways he would probably never know. He could have been any kind of man in the world, and with his record, I'm surprised I even gave him a chance. But I'm so glad I did because even if it was just for a moment, he made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. And after being used as a substitute, it felt good to be the initial choice.
Mark smiled and pecked my lips, "No problem Toni, you're easy to come home to."
YOU ARE READING
Consider Me Gone
Fanfiction"I've spent years trying to convince everyone that we can do this, that what we have is worth something," I said, shaking my head, "but I think that's the difference between us, Jax, because while I was doing everything I could to convince everyone...
