Consider Me Gone

Chapter 38.

Epilogue: 1 year later

Toni

The sun peaked through the window and I heard Mark groan. We'd been working nonstop for weeks and had officially declared this week, relaxation week. Seattle Grace didn't disappoint when it came to having work to do, and it seemed like Mark and I hadn't seen each other in weeks.

Thankfully, we lived together so whenever I missed him at the hospital, I was still able to have him by my side. "Close the blinds," Mark begged and I laughed at his desperation.

"Mark, it's already noon," I pointed out.

"Ah, ah, we are in a time-free zone," Mark reminded me.

"Mark, we're going to miss the whole day. Besides, we haven't eaten yet." At the mention of food, Mark lifted his head. "Well, I am a bit hungry," he admitted before getting out of bed. He walked into the kitchen excitedly, because before this, we had made sure to stock the apartment with the essentials.

"What are you in the mood for, princess?" Mark called out from the kitchen. "I don't know, surprise me!" I called back. Mark was a great cook, he was the one who mostly cooked for the both of us. It was not that I didn't know how, it was just that I enjoyed it more when he did it.

I walked past the kitchen and straight to the door to retrieve our mail. It sat right outside the door with a thick newspaper in it. I never read the newspaper back in Charming, but since I lived in Washington now, it seemed wrong not to. Mark usually stole the crossword puzzles, so he didn't mind the new addition.

As I walked inside the newspaper, I stole a glance at the headline: LOCAL DOCTOR CHRISTINA YANG WINS HARPER AVERY AWARD. My smile widened as I saw Christina's picture in black and white and I beamed with pride. We all knew she would win, she was such a deserving surgeon.

"Honey look at Christina!" I showed Mark the picture as he cooked our breakfast, and his smile matched my own. We had all been rooting for her at the hospital, I'm just happy that all of her hard work paid off.

My mood was elated as I shuffled through the mail until I landed on one letter in particular. There was no return address or clue as to who might have written to me. But it was clear that the letter was for me.

I was hesitant to open it a first, but then my curiosity got the best of me. I delicately opened the envelope and pulled out its contents. To my surprise, there was an invitation, but as I read it my heart skipped a beat.

Please Join us in sending off our dear friend, mother, and wife Tara Knowles.

My eyes widened as I stared at the invitation, and I felt my heart drop in my stomach. Mark had noticed that I'd become quiet and peeked over at the card. He turned off the stove as soon as he realized and came to comfort me.

"Wow," was the only thing I could think of to say. I hadn't thought of Tara in a year, so to know that she died felt unreal.

"Does it say how she died?" Mark asked.

I shook my head, "No, just the invite."

"I'm sorry honey," I shook my head at Mark's apology because it felt wrong to accept. I had warned Tara about staying in Charming. I had warned her that something like this would happen, it's unfortunate that it's all boiled down to this.

"I'm going to phone Happy, maybe he has more info on what happened," I was dialing before I finished my sentence and Happy picked up on the third ring.

"Toni?"

"Hey Hap, sorry to call you like this, but I just got an invite in the mail about Tara's funeral."

"Oh, you got that. Yeah, it's pretty messed up."

"Happy what happened?"

"I don't know," Happy sighed, "Last we heard, Tara left Jax and took the boys. There was still some stuff going down with the club and Tara somehow got caught in the crossfire."

"Oh my gosh," I whispered. "And the kids?"

"They're with Gemma for now. Jax is at Stockton for another case but I heard he's getting out soon."

With every piece of information Happy gave me, I felt like I was experiencing what my life would have been like had I stayed. There was no way to have a life while being involved with the club. A son dies bloody, and oftentimes, so does his family.

I felt bad, of course, who wouldn't? But I didn't have enough remorse to go back. I had said my peace with Tara years ago, and laying her body to rest won't reverse everything that went down between us.

"You coming down for the funeral?" Happy asked.

I looked down at the engagement ring on my finger and twisted the diamond around. Mark had stepped away to give me some privacy, but I was already set on my decision. My life was here now, this was not my mess to clean up.

"No, but um, send my condolences."

"Okay, well I'll talk to you later Toni, have fun up there. You deserve it," Happy hung up the phone and I held it to my chest. He was the one person who understood why I couldn't go back. The one person who recognized all the sacrifices I made to get to this point.

"How's Happy?" Mark asked when I walked back into the kitchen. I simply shrugged my shoulders and Mark noticed my solemn demeanor. "Do you want to go to the funeral?"

I shook my head and then leaned into Mark's embrace. He wrapped his arms around me and held my head against his chest. "I'm proud of you, you know that?" I pulled my head back and looked at Mark with a smirk, "Why?"

"Because despite everything, you won. You came out on top. You saw the life you deserved and you went after it. That's something to be proud of."

I smiled up at him, "Thank you, baby."

"You're welcome," he said planting a kiss on my forehead, "and she's proud of you too." He touched my stomach as he said it, and I playfully rolled my eyes. I was hardly even showing yet, but Mark was over the moon with joy.

"She?" I questioned. "What makes you think it's a girl?"

"Yeah, because she's going to be smart and beautiful like her mom.  And she's going to be strong too because she's going to have the best model for strength right in front of her." I felt a surge of pride as Mark lavished me with compliments. It was a moment of pure contentment as if I had finally found my rightful place. 

I dedicated more than a decade to Charming, enduring heartache, hard work, and tears. But now, I must leave behind the past life I shared with the woman I once trusted. The person I've become cannot turn back the clock. Not for Tara and certainly not for Jax.