𝘋𝘐𝘍𝘍𝘐𝘊𝘜𝘓𝘛-𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦

𝑴𝒊𝒍𝒂 𝑾𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒔

I was laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, lost in my thoughts. This day, my first day in Portland High and everyhting that happened in it and then after of course. It was just hard for my brain to comprehened what I've experienced, beginning with the stressful morning I had, then my staring contests with Skyler, which I couldn't put anywhere. And again the day didn't end here, when I really thought and I think I whised it would, because the boys showed up at Tessa's. The second I saw Skyler standing outisde of the door, with a huge grin on his handsome face, my heart skipped a beat. He was suprised too, stopping in his tracks when he noticed that it was me who opened the door not Tessa.

Of course after that he took me home in his car, which was really awkard. He tried to start a conversation, multiple times, but I always shut it down with my one word answers or with the lack of it. I don't know why I haven't went on with Skyler though. Scrach that, I know exactly why I didn't and as much I want to change it, I can't. Becase I'm not the person to open up so fast, I never was. Not that I had many chances to do so, but still the times when I could've make friends I always failed miserably. I just wasn't able to let go of my anxiety when I was around people. It never really bothered me, until today, because now I wanted to make a conversation so badly with Skyler, my mind just couldn't let me.

These thoughts kept me in company, while I was listening to music in the darkness of my room. It was late in the night, maybe around 12:30 and I couldn't sleep. When I arrived home, I had dinner with my family and of course they bombed me wiht quietions about my day and I answered them each, but I left one thing out, well one person out, Skyler. I didn't feel the need to tell them about someone I don't even know, so I simply didn't mention him.

When we finished with the food and we cleaned up everyone went to do what they had to. My brother went into his room to finish some assignments for university, while my father sat down to watch the tv in the living room. And I decided to take a shower to turn my mind off, but as you probably guessed, I fell flat, because here I was, overthinking every single thing I did or didn't do today.

I turned and tossed in my bed, not being able to let go of my thoughts. It was already one p.m. when the only thing came, that I didn't want to come. Eyes instantly welling up with tears, I could feel my chest tighten and I knew it was only a matter of seconds and I'd break, but I still tried to hold it all back, but of course I couldn't and the first silent sob rocketed through my body, shaking me to my core. The tought that she wasn't here on my first day of school was tearing me apart from the inside out. That out of allpeople, she was the one who didn't see me on one of the most important days of my life. Clunching to my chest I tried to ease the tension inside me, but it never came and all of a sudden I was alone and it didn't matter how good of a day I had behind me, because currently I was a wreck. Burying my face into my pillow I waited for my cries to slow down and to eventually stop, but I didn't remember when it happened, because somewhere on the way I fell asleep.

***

When I woke up, I felt drained, of course, how could I not, when I cried my eyes out last night. Before I got out of the bed, I layed there for a few seconds, trying to prepare myself for the day. Yeah it was something I usually did when I was nervous. Trying to imagine possibilites on what can happen, it helped me ease up a little.

When I felt somewhat ready, I went into the bathroom, instead of the kitchen like I ususally do, because I needed to get myself together a little, because I was sure I looked terrible, I felt like it too. Walking down the quiet hallway I went to the bathroom, closing it shut behind me. I looked in the mirror on the wall and saw my red and puffy eyes, with dark circles under it.

Turning on the tap I let the water flow a little, before I splashed the cold water on my face. I instantly felt more awake and less terrible. After I finished washing my face muliple times, I dryed it with the towel of my own and decided that it was time to go downstairs to get something to eat. No one was awake yet, since dad had to go to work later and Logan didn't have just one class today in the afternoon, so it was no use for them to wake up at 6:30.