Revolution that's been dancing in the rain (Book 1)

15. Who's Tyler

(Trigger warning, basically every trigger mentioned in the welcome chapter)
(Please skip if any of that makes you uncomfortable)
You will not be too lost in future chapters by skipping this chapter)

I run as fast as I can down the cold hallway. It's not fast enough.
I'm having trouble to keep up, looking down I see why.
A golden sparkly performance dress and matching heels.
I look like I'm going to a fearless concert.
The heels make it hard to run but I pick back up my pace as a horrible sound fills the halls
"JESSIE"
I run.
Faster then I was before, nearly twisting my ankle as the hallway gets darker and longer.
I don't know where the sound is coming from but my feet seem to know where to go.
I let them lead the way into a dark room, purple wallpaper lining the walls.
In the room is a staircase, going down.
I don't wait, I don't hesitate, I don think.
I rush down the stairs two at a time, going so fast I don't turn in time on the L shaped stairs and hit the wall, tumbling down the rest of the stairs.
"Jessie" The voice calls again but weaker this time
What was once a strong and powerful voice calling me from a great distance is now weak and diminished one croaking from the center of the room.
I look up from my place on the floor to see him standing in the center of the room,
Knife in hand.
Knife?
Is it a knife?
He holds the blade to his neck,
I try to stand to stop him, to do something, anything, but I'm stuck
My ankles are broken, the pain shooting up my legs so I use my hands to drag myself to his feet
"Please, don't" I beg my voie coming out horse and weak
"Why shouldn't I? It's all your fault" He spits his voice full of venom
My eyes widen at his words
"My fault?"
"Yes your fault" He grips the gun tighter
Tears fall as I beg again "Please"
He kneels down to face me
Our faces inches apart the only thing between them is the cold hard metal of his gun
"Stay with me" I plead
"When you didn't stay with me" He spits
"I'm not pulling this trigger Essy, you are"
He says putting the barrel of the gun in his mouth, a revolver
I try to lift my arms to pull it away from him
*Click*
I can't, my hands are stuck to the ground, too heavy to lift
*Click*
"NO PLEASE" I beg, screaming at the top of my lungs as my face burns with tears
*Click*
"STOP"
*Click*
"SHOOT ME INSTED, I'M THE ONE WHO DESERVES IT"
*Click*
He pulls the gun from his mouth to utter one final thing to me
"I will never forgive you"
He says in a cold voice, a voice I don't quite recognise but is all too familiar
He pulls the knife across his throat falling to the floor as his neck gushes blood
I jump to action, putting pressure on his neck willing for the blood to stop, but it dosen't.
It pours out of him, he coughs chocking on his blood
"Never" He chokes out
"HELP PLEASE SOMEONE HELP" I cry but no one does, no one helps
and eventually the blood slows to a stops.
He lies there cold and motionless in a pool of his own blood
I sit in the same pool
"NO, NO, NO PLEASE" I cry over him, his lifeless body in my arms
"DON'T LEAVE ME.
NOT AGAIN.
I CAN'T BE ALONE AGAIN.
PLEASE.
TYLER!"

I sit up, a cold sweat surrounding me where a pool of blood had seconds ago.
I'm still stuck there.
My air taken from me as my adrenalin crashes.
"Jessie" a sweet voice wispers in a concerned voice
No, not concerned I correct myself
Scared.
For me, of me.
Shit, no. Not again
"Are you okay" A second voice asks and I can't bear to look at them.
In my excitement to be back out here I had forgotten one crucial detail.
I haven't been able to go more then three nights on a good week
without a nightmare in three years.
And this had been a good week.
"Jessie" The second voice asks again since I didn't respond
"Fine" I try and sound strong but my fucking voice breaks and I realise tears are still running down my face.
Suddenly I'm very self conscious, lying on the couch in one of Luke's tank tops and a pair of black bike shorts with my face red and wet, my breathing rough and my voice betraying me.
I know what I look like, I've seen it a thousand times before,
Carlos once compared it to a wild animal being cornered before Ray gave him a lecture on what not to say and when not to say it.
He was right though, waking up from a nightmare is like being cornered into a cage
I react the exact same way too
"Fuck off Patterson" I shoving him off me, although he technically can't touch me
"Jessie" Reggie pleads
Just like I had
Stay with me, please
I leave,
as calmly as I can I rush out of the studio
Calm and rush don't usually work next to each other so it probably wasn't very calm.
I all but fall onto the ground at the side of the studio
Fuck it
I think deciding to embrace it, I lie in the damp grass at the side of the studio that Carlos affectionately nicknamed the Party Green,
since he used to come out and listen to his mom play in the studio from out here.
He'd dance in the grass whenever his mom or Julie had been playing.
Original, but he was 6 when he picked the name.
The grass is cool, and the air is slightly warm.
The cold will pick up soon, going into October so I enjoy it while it's here
I should have warned them, they were asleep and I woke them with that stupid dream
"Jessie"
Voice number three, Alex
I stay silent
"May I" He gestures to the ground
"Free country" I mutter looking up at the stars
He sits next to me, crossing his legs and looking straight forward
It's quite for a couple minutes, nice almost.
I sit up, knees up in front of me pressed againt my chest, shoulder to shoulder with him
"Sorry" I whisper
"Why?"
"I woke you guys"
"We're ghosts, its fine"
"Still, I could have, I should have given you guys a heads up" I sigh
"That you were going to have a nightmare" he asks confused that I'd know it would happen
"I have them a couple times a week"
"Oh"
"More then a couple, I understand if you guys want me to move back inside"
I can feel him looking at me now
"No, we don't" H assure's me
"I'd understand" I promise him, not wanting them to put themselves out to save my feelings.
"I had just come out, every night for a month I had the same dream" he starts, I still don't look at him but his eyes are no longer on me either.
"You don't-" He waves me off and continues
"We're at a club, the guys and I. We just preformed and it was a hit, everyone loved us.
So I'm feeling confident and I flirt with a guy.
He acts interested and invites me outside to join him for a smoke"
I turn to look at him and quickly look away
"We go out to the side ally and there's three guys in hoodie's out there,
the guy locks me outside and the three guys start beating me, shouting homophobic slurs as they do.
When they're done and I'm on the ground bleeding and vulnerable and hurt they take off their hoods.
And standing in front of me is Luke, Reggie and Bobby, laughing over what they had done"
"Alex" I don't know what to say, anything I can think of is wrong.
Telling him how the dream means that his biggest fear was his friends not supporting him,
Pointing out that they would never do that,
I can't even offer him physical comfort.
"How'd you get them to stop?" I finally settle for
"I woke up from one after staying here for the night with Luke, kind of the same way you did.
I talked to him about it, faced my fear.
I still have it every now and again, when new people enter my life.
But its easier knowing I have Luke and Reggie"
"Mines a bit diffrent, I don't think talking about it will help"
"It might"
I look away
"Jessie"
"Hmm"
"Who's Tyler?"
I freeze
Fully freeze
I can't speak
I can't run
I can't breath
"You were screaming his name when you woke up"
"oh" I breath out, air leaving my body but the tension staying put
"I'm sorry, you don't have to talk about it"
"He's" I take a deep breath, contemplating how much to say
"He was someone I knew, a long time ago"
"How long ago?"
"Couple years since I last saw him"
Tears well in my eyes and Alex must notice because he drops the subject
"Do you want to go back in"
"I think I just need a bit of time to myself"
He nods and poofs away.
A couple seconds later he returns with a hoddie, Pink so it must be his,
and a blanket.
He hands me the hoodie and puts the blanket over my bare legs
"Thanks Alex" I whisper but he hears me "Let the others know I'm sorry for waking them, but please keep this conversation between us"
"Of course, between us" He promises and go's back inside
I put the hoodie on, pulling the hood up and lying back in the grass, watching the sky full of stars.
I doubt he'll kept what we talked about between us,
but its too late to worry now.
Fucking nightmares
Fucking sweet ghost boys checking in on me
Fucking Tyler
I miss you,
Do you miss me?
I wish I could go see you, know you're okay.
I wish,
As a star shoots across the sky and my eyes droop
I wish.