Imperious.

Part XVI: Tom

© 2014 XxNotTonightXx.

All Rights Reserved

Author's Note: Please vote and comment, it helps.

Pages: 62 - 64

 T O M - 

As everyone eagerly makes their way to return to their daily routines, I remain firmly rooted in place, unable to organize my thoughts.

Alpha Tom. I must say that it's much better than Escort Tom; that title was so insulting, and I wince every time someone says it. But Alpha Tom? Alpha Tom fills me with pride and especially since it's tied with my courageous mate, the title is nothing less than fitting.

Speaking of my mate, where is she? The warmth that flooded me when her gaze met mine was embarrassing; I hope she can't tell just how miserable I've been without her.

I thought staying with Kevin and his family would help clear my head and give me a better perspective on the right way to go about things with Emilia. But instead, the only thing I was able to do was think about Emilia and me raising a family full of kids.

I wonder if she thinks about this stuff - a family. I wonder if I'm beginning to think of the subject to much. It wouldn't be the first time I made my mind up about something only for the truth to be the complete opposite.

The acidic taste that fills my mouth is damning. How could I have been so stupid? I can't come up with an excuse, I can't validate why I was so quick and eager to make Emilia feel bad or why I was so ready to leave. The way her face fell when I told her that she didn't want me with her, the look on her face when she saw that I'd given up on us, the pain that followed after I realized that I was the fool - I was the one who was wrong; not her. I didn't sleep, and I couldn't focus on anything. It hurt to think about her but it hurt even more to try and pretend like she wasn't controlling my every thought.

And I've realized that even though she brings me up and crashes me down, being without her is no longer an idea or a possibility, much less a reality. I want her now more than ever and I miss her; even if it's just two hours of her presence, it'll be enough.

This move she's made to equalize the genders of her pack and validate my place in her pack was bold and very much unexpected. I thought that in a relationship, the guys are the ones who sweep the girl off her feet, and although she hasn't exactly done that with me, she's keeping me on my toes.

I am an asshole - that much is clear. She's expressed her reasoning as to why it's so hard for her to open up to me. She said she built a life for herself and now that I'm here it's going to take some time to get used to things, but obviously, thanks to her speech and declaration for change, she's adapted to that change.

I can sit here and say that I should've been more patient or more understanding but honestly, I'm human. Not part wolf. How I felt matters and I honestly felt like I didn't matter in her life. I felt like I was insignificant and a bother to her so I did the one thing that made sense, I left.

It might not be right but at the time it felt right, so no, I don't take it back. I'm glad I left, because I don't think she honestly would have understood my love for her if I hadn't. So I left, and so she hurt me, but I'm not allowing our mistakes to ruin us. Hurting each other is part of loving someone - it's going to happen. She will hurt me sometime down the line and I will hurt her, but we'll just have to leave to come back stronger, because that's what happens when you love someone.

"Alpha Tom, am I going to get in trouble for spilling my juice on you this morning?" Kevin's oldest daughter, Savannah, who just happens to be five, asks timidly.