Imperious.

Part VII: Emilia

© 2014 XxNotTonightXx.

All Rights Reserved

Author's Note: Please vote and comment, it helps. 

Pages: 27 - 29

E M I L I A - 

  When I was sixteen years old, my mother and I had our first game of checkers. The two rules were quite simple to me. One, don't be defenseless and purposely lose. Two, have a backup plan for every move you make and have another backup plan for the first backup plan in case things go wrong.

The objective, like war, is to take over the opponent's land with your men before they take over your land with their men - quite a simple goal, really. This objective and the two rules stayed with me beyond just using them to understand a game. It became my way of thinking.  

So why does it feel like I'm not only defenseless but losing a very important game right now? This is the game of checkers. The objective is to keep my heart safe and sound and defend myself by keeping Tom at an arm's distance.

But look where it's gotten me. A mate who knows more about me than he should and my sexual frustration is at an all time high.

My mouth opens and closes, opens again and closes and this time it remains closed. The silence is like a ticking bomb - we both watch each other, me in bewilderment, him in anger.

 He's so sexy like this: his vein popping from his neck, his eyes wide in rage and his chest heaving up and down and I want him. God, I want him against this wall he's banged his fist against. He intimidates me - when he yelled my wolf cowered back in resignation. My wolf's never cowered before anyone, let alone surrendered to someone. Is he allowed to tease and control me like this?

 I plead with myself to tell him the truth, to tell him how hard it was to take over a pack two years before I was ready, without being able to show any type of weakness. He needs to understand that it couldn't have been easy for me to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do, unequipped and unready without the person I needed the most.  He should know how much it changed me, how I blame escort Gabriel for exploiting my mom's one weakness: love.

 The word itself makes me frown before smiling. There's two sides to the word for me: logic and emotion.  Logic: love is demanding, it's an infatuation at first that seduces you until you're addicted. It has you wanting more, needing more. Love can be sweet and pure but love can also be so manipulating and blackmailing that it drives people insane, making them blind to the truth and causing them to begin to think irrationally.

Emotion: Love is me waking up this morning, feeling more blissfully content than I ever have before. It's me wanting to rip out Jamie's throat for even trying to flirt with him. Love's me getting him two guards to make sure nothing happens to him - it's me being protective and jealous. Love's demanding and controlling, it's me snapping for the stupidest of things.

.

.

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Today after the meeting I went for a walk. Going for a run would mean energy and I have none - the stormy look on Tom's face before I left for the meeting is stamped into my heart, making it hard to focus on anything.

He deserves better, someone who can love him freely and not be so angry and closed off with the tiny idea of letting him in. But he's stuck with me and I with him. So looking at his face, I swallow my pride and give into the emotional side of love, I give into the whines of my wolf, and I tell him the truth.

"What did you just say?" I say at last, keeping my voice steady and my eyes on him.

"You heard me, no smart words huh? I expected narrowed eyes and that commanding voice, but here you are looking like you've aged in two milliseconds. C'mon Em, yell at me, ignore me, send me an extra babysitter, treat me how you've been treating me." He practically snarls.