❝ 𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍 ❞ | kaz brekker

²³ and how will you have me?

❝ 𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍 ❞

"and how will you have me?"

Perhaps it was wrong to smile at a dead body, but in the moment, Paedyn couldn't bring herself to care.

She stood next to her sister, letting go of her hand so she could light a torch. Zoya went first, setting fire to the wood. Genya went next, letting the other side on fire before handing her torch to Alina. Then Evangeline went, lighting some wood on fire before tossing her torch onto his body, near his lower stomach.

Evangeline wrapped her sister in her arms as Alina stepped forward, throwing her torch atop Kirigan's body, letting the flames engulf him.

"Today is a new beginning," Nikolai spoke up as he stepped forward. "For all of Ravka. Hell, for our whole world. It's a bit daunting, isn't it? Knowing where to go from here. We've had a singular focus for so long. So much blood has been shed. After hundreds of years separated by the Fold, we can celebrate a unified Ravka.

"Our neighbors to the North will see us united and will aim to strike. But often it's not the battle that takes the most from us. It's the aftermath. The chance to put the pieces of our lives back together. When a Firebird rises from the ashes, it is not the same. But in that rebirth, is potential. Potential for a new purpose.

"Thanks to what Alina has done for us, we all have a chance to better the world now that the Fold is gone. And above all, you must trust. Trust in each other. In yourselves. Trust in the fact that this is the start of better days to come. And it won't be easy, of course. Nothing is. I had hoped to end that on a more uplifting note, but here we are."

Paedyn glanced up, feeling Inej tapping her arm. She nodded, giving her sister one last squeeze before letting her go, following the crows.

─ ☆ ─

"Your sister's boyfriend paid up. Everyone will get their cut."

Paedyn smiled softly as Kaz found her by one of the many windows. "And Nina?"

"She'll receive a pardon for deserting and another for her Fjerdan. As long as he stays out of trouble, the charges will be dropped."

"That's good."

Kaz stopped a couple of steps from her, his jaw clenched again. Paedyn looked up at him with soft eyes, wondering what else he had to say.

His next words were quiet, like a whisper. "You will be impossible to replace."

"What?" she asked, her voice soft as she stood up.

His jaw clenched again. "You're staying."

"Am I?" Paedyn stepped closer, smiling up at him.

"Your sister is," he pointed out.

"I'm not staying in Ravka, Kaz. My home is Ketterdam, with you." Her face flushed. "And Jesper, the others too, of course."

The tips of Kaz's ears went pink and his lip twitched into what could've been a smile. "You want to stay in Ketterdam."

"Yes, I do. What is it that you want?"

His words seemed cold, as if he felt weak taking part in this conversation. "To die, buried under the weight of my own gold."

Paedyn hesitated before asking, "Was there never another dream?"

Kaz stayed silent, his attention now on the birds outside the window. Paedyn scoffed, shaking her head before moving to walk around him.

His gloved hand grabbed her wrist, pulling her close to him. "Stay," he whispered, "stay with me. I want... I want you to stay."

"Oh." Paedyn's face was flushed again, trying to understand what he was telling her.

"I want... I want you."

Paedyn's heart raced. "And how will you have me?"

They made eye contact, confusion and worry circling in Kaz's eyes. His hand still gripped her wrist, and she carefully slipped it into her own, turning to face him. She put her other hand over his, holding it gently so he could pull away.

"Will we ever hold hands, without gloves? Will we ever hug, with our arms wrapped around each other tightly? Will we ever kiss, even for a second?"

Kaz looked away. Paedyn frowned, realizing her words came out the wrong way.

"I don't mean to push you," She explained, "I just need to know so that I don't make a promise to you that I cannot keep. I need to know so I don't give either of us false hope." Silence. "Kaz, please say something."

He looked back at her, his eyes holding sincerity instead of their usual annoyance. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. He was fighting with himself, she could see. Paedyn said his name again, softly, like a whisper. His gloved hand squeezed hers for a second, but his grip was now firm instead of returning to being faint again.

"I-" Kaz began. She smiled reassuringly, knowing how weak he felt when he was vulnerable. "I will try. For you."

The words were soft and sweet, unlike Kaz Brekker's usual appearance. Paedyn smiled softly, her eyes never wavering from his.

"That's all I ask. We'll take it slow, at whatever pace makes you feel comfortable."

He nodded, squeezing her hand once more. His way of showing her gratitude and appreciation. 

┌───────────── ☆ ─────────────┐

author's note: I've been waiting to write this scene for so long!! one more chapter to go