From Distant Lands - Juro's Return

Chapter Thirty-Eight

"Are you sure this is what you want, Kaida?" Endeavor asks me, regarding me from across the enormous desk that's been here since I first stepped foot inside his office almost six years ago. I nod slowly, lacing my hands together tensely on my lap.

"I'm sure" I reply, trying to shake the unfamiliar feeling in my chest. It's weird sitting in Endeavor's office like this and I can't imagine ever having done it before. Every memory I have of this room usually involves me pacing, angry, or arguing and I've never been in here in plain clothes before. It almost feels disrespectful to be doing it now, but Endeavor's expression is less offended and more cautiously concerned.

"Hero work has been an enormous part of your life thus far" he begins, still managing to sit up straight and eye me with the same level of expectation and no nonsense as always.

"I understand wanting to distance yourself from the investigation, but to abandon your patrols and training altogether? That's a weighty decision. You're certain?" he demands again and the question makes me swallow, my gut tensing.

"I just... I need time away from it right now" I tell him and I believe it's the truth. Not that I know what the hell else to do with my life, but I can't imagine myself focusing on that life if I'm always worried about Juro's next move. My conversation with Katsuki was the first piece of the puzzle, but for the last few days, the decision to retire has only made itself more and more insistent in my mind and the minute I realized it, I knew what I had to do. Endeavor sighs heavily, his eyes leaving my face for the first time since I arrived and it makes a pit open up in my stomach.

"I'll draw up your resignation and the contracts to absorb your investigations by Monday" he informs me and when the two of us fall silent, I just nod again and stand, starting for the door.

"Kaida" Endeavor says, stopping me, and when I turn to look at him over my shoulder, his blue eyes are tense on mine.

"You can always come back" he says, surprising me. My eyes widen a bit, heart throbbing at his words, but I leave anyway, his words sinking into me. I know what Endeavor was really saying... what he was asking. I had so many plans and ideas when I became a hero and Endeavor had just as many plans to help me succeed... for me to give up now? Before either of us got to see those things happen? It seems like such a waste, but-

"Is it true then?" Shoto's voice interrupts my thoughts and I blink up at him after shutting the door to Endeavor's office.

"What?" I say and he raises an eyebrow, eyeing my jeans curiously.

"You're retiring?" he asks and my face flushes, embarrassment burning through me. Somehow, Shoto makes it sound so... disappointing.

"Retiring sounds... bad" I tell him and he makes a face.

"That's what you're doing isn't it?" he wonders and I hesitate to answer for a moment.

"I guess so" I allow, unsure really of what else to say. Shoto nods, his gaze heavy on mine for a few moments before we can hear his father calling for him. He pauses, looking between me and the door before I offer him a relieved smile.

"Don't worry about it" I say immediately, stopping him from speaking when his mouth opens and brushing past him.

"I'll see you later" I tell him in passing, making my way to the elevator and refusing to look back again. I know that I can't. I can't look back at Shoto and see him reading me so clearly and not feel the rawness in my chest. Of course I'll miss this, there was never any doubt in my mind that I would, but I have to do it this way. It's the only way I'll ever be able to get some semblance of normalcy back into my life.