From Distant Lands - Juro's Return

Chapter Twenty-Eight

The next morning, I find myself nestled beneath Katsuki, the left side of his body draped over me and hugging me close. He's cooled off a bit since last night, but like always, his skin is warm to the touch and smells like toasted sugar. I snuggle closer to him, nuzzling my face against his shoulder and neck and smiling when he starts grumbling sleepily.

"What?" he mumbles. I just nuzzle him again, pulling my body closer to his even though we're as close as we can possibly be.

"Kaida" he says, but there's just the faintest hint of a smile in his tone.

"What?" I wonder, voice muffled against his skin as I trail kisses along any part of him I can reach from here.

"What are you doing?" he asks me. I just shrug, continuing my little wake up routine. Katsuki rolls away a bit so he can look at me, raising an eyebrow and trying to maintain a straight face even though his cheeks are flushed with color.

"Do you remember the first time we woke up like this?" I ask suddenly and he raises his eyebrows.

"Yeah..." he replies slowly and I smile at the memory, happy to finally be able to recall it.

"You were so bashful" I tell him, satisfied when the redness in his cheeks increases.

"I wasn't bashful" he argues, but I cut him off short when I roll on top of him, sitting so that my legs are on either side of his hips and my hands are pressed flat to his chest. His eyes widen just slightly, lips parted in surprised anticipation. It's been a while since I've seen him like this... so vulnerable... but the reason why adds a hint of bitterness to the moment.

"You don't think so?" I wonder, tilting my head. Katsuki just stares at me a minute, eyes examining my face in complete silence and this time, I'm the one blushing.

"What?" I ask him, wondering what he's thinking and why he's making that face. He lets out a breath, almost like he's been holding it a while, and reaches up to brush strands of hair away from my cheek. I lean into his touch, keeping my eyes on his and wondering why they look so sad.

"I think sometimes I worry that I'll wake up one day... and this'll all be a dream" he admits quietly and his admission feels like a punch to the gut. I swallow.

"It's not a dream..." I whisper and he gets this faraway look in his eyes, a look that says he's not quite here with me.

"I remember everything, Kaida... I remember the night you left and the days following. That bastard stalked me and he and that stupid kid jumped me outside my apartment a few days before you all showed up there... told me I needed to be obedient until I finally did something I couldn't recover from. That's why..." he stops, looking away from me now with anger and regret written all over his face.

"That's why I woke up after I injected you. Out of everything I did, I could've come back from all of it, but to do that to you... when I know what it does to you... when I've seen the fear in your eyes..." he grits his teeth and I can feel his skin growing warmer by the second. My heart thuds unevenly in my chest, eyes pricking with tears just hearing him baring his soul to me. Katsuki has just been living with all of this...

"When I realized what I'd done, I couldn't have blamed you if you never wanted to see me again... then you remembered me and it was like all was forgiven. A free pass... I wanted to deserve it, but..."

"Katsuki" I say suddenly, gut knotted and fists clenched. How dare he? He looks up at me suddenly, eyes widening when he sees the look on my face.

"You don't have to do anything to deserve my love. There is no deserving. I love you, you idiot. After everything we've been through, after all that we've had to overcome, of course I still love you. Of course I want to be with you. Don't ever doubt that" I say, voice wavering with the amount of anger and hurt I'm trying to hold back. Katsuki stays completely silent, stunned.