Baby, just say ... yes? | Landoscar <3

Treacherous

One thing was clear, Lando avoided me and it hurt very bad. I thought he wanted the kiss as much as I wanted it but that’s obviously not the case. He acts super professional like he normally never does. It’s just "hello“ or "good luck“ or the worst: "cheers, mate“. We kissed and I am only his mate.

I tried to focus on the third practice today to at least get a fast lap but the luck wasn’t on my side. I was nearly last on the Hards for a long run (P17) which means a bad race pace. Lando on the Mediums wasn’t much better either (P12). We also didn’t get a chance to improve our time because of a storm. The only thing we can do now is to get a decent position in Qualifying later today.

For lunch I sat in a conference room in the back of our garage. Nobody was here yet but the engineers and mechanics were probably still busy looking at the data from today and plan a strategy for the rest of the weekend. Honestly, I didn’t mind being alone because there were people everywhere all the time from Thursday until Sunday. No matter if you were having a bad or a good day, they wanted something from you, an interview, a signature, an opinion. They had high expectations and you had to meet them but that was the job and I loved it most of the time. But a lunch alone wasn’t too bad either except I wasn't alone anymore.

Lando came in, his lunch in his hands. He mustn’t have seen me through the glass pane before because he looks like he regrets coming in now. I give him a weak smile, I don’t know what to do. He sits down next to me and we eat in silence first. It is unbearable, the atmosphere is so tense and when I couldn’t stand it anymore I turned and looked at him. He felt it because he looks at me now, visibly nervous.

"Is everything okay?“, I ask him, trying to sound neutral. "Yeah, why? Practice wasn't really good but I am still better than you so everything is fine“, Lando said with a mean little smile now. I am completely outraged, what is wrong with him? After yesterday those kind of jokes aren’t funny anymore, they are just mean. Him pretending everything is normal and nothing happened is making my stomach twist hurtfully.

I have to gather all my courage to ask the question I urgently need an answer for, "I‘m talking about yesterday, why did you just disappear?“ I bet I sounded a bit desperate which I really am. Landos smile drops and the insecurity is back on his face.

Barely audible he whispers "I can’t.“ I am taken aback by his mood shift and suddenly I feel a bit guilty too. I didn’t want to push him, I just want to understand what is going on. Instinctively I grab his hand and softly whisper "What’s wrong, Lando?“ He looks in my eyes and I see a turmoil of emotions in his. I was about to identify at least one of those emotions when he jumepd up and ran away. Again.

Landos pov:

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why am I feeling so much? He has been my teammate for half the season already and I never had a thought just near the thoughts I have now. Everything began with this stupid plan and now something has started that I can neither stop nor undo. I don’t want things to get complicated but more important I don’t want to hurt him. But I think I already did…

Oscars pov:

Honestly, I never had so many questions in my life. I wish I could just go into Landos head and see what is troubling him so much. The first idea coming to my mind is that he struggels with the possibility of not being straight. I don’t know much about how he grew up but I met his family already and they seem like the nicest people ever. Of course, that doesn’t automatically mean they would be accepting. And besides that, Lando could also be afraid of the public opinion if anything ever comes out (a thought which terrifies me too).

My second idea is that he has a partner and cheated on them with me. That would explain why he said "I can’t“ but I really hope that’s not the case, just thinking it feels terrible. It would destroy my last foolish hope to have a chance with Lando. And even if it’s stupid but the fact that he said "I can’t“ instead of "I don’t want to“ gave my delusions hope again.

I also won’t forget the look in his eys, there was something…