Memory Lane : her first love

જ➴ chapter one.

Chapter 01 :
"First love it is"

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"Try Again" by Jaehyun

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

: : from Sun-hee's perspective

First love?

Everyone has been through that phase at some point in their life don't they? For some it is a piece of cake with cherry on top and for some it is the feeling they never really want to encounter again.

The memories that not only "hurt" them to the core. Because hurt is a four letter word. It's short, almost cute sounding. Awww did that hurt? No. It didn't hurt. It destroyed, demolished, or shattered maybe... but no it didn't hurt them. It didn't hurt them at all.

But whom to complain to? It's not like you don't know what you're getting yourself into when you fell for your first love, you are innocent and pure and imagine it to be the one like in dramas.

The one that'll caress your hair softly when you're at your low. The one that'll gently wipe off the cream on the top of your nose when you're too busy eating off the ice cream. The one that shyly intertwines its fingers with yours when you have the need to feel warm. But I knew who I was getting my heart entangled with. I was well familiar with whether it will be a daydream or a nightmare to remember.

But I still stupidly fell for it. I fell in every trap I was lured to. Sweet words, fake promises, every little thing. Not thinking about whether the consequences will be bearable? Will my poor heart and rainbows dream be lying crashing down into a million pieces or will the memories of it be written beautifully on the paper with ink?

Honest saying in my case I'm still not aware how to break it into details, because I still remember the days of my first love as if it's the story of the day itself.

Sighing I took out the old brown diary from three years ago straight onto my lap. I've read the same entries for thousands of time but when I re-read it, in the corner of my room, lying carelessly on the floor with a soft pillow to soak up my tears to, I can't help but to cry my tears of innocence again and again.

As for now, I opened the diary with my trembling fingers, oh how terribly I'm gonna pity over my seventeen old year self. The three years old version of me who thought that she'll end up with her prince charming now wouldn't be able to believe that I have never been in contact with her stupid, forever love since the day at the airport. It's been exactly three years since the last time I saw him.

And how both of us were crying except he didn't dare to look me in the eyes, either he was guilty or maybe he didn't even cared. Whereas my gaze was too blurry with the tears of betrayal and grievances.

Chuckling on my own, my fingers unknowingly traced the day written in black ink, "08 January, 2020".

I still remember the excitement and the giddy feeling inside my stomach that day. I wasn't able to hold my smile still and to the point of writing it down my jaw was already hurting like hell. But now shrugging away the thoughts which could have been something good to remember about I inhaled a sharp breath to gather up the courage and read it further, and with a slow pace I flipped it to the other page and the words read,

Dear Diary,
The weather was at its peak to make it more memorable for me. The dark clouds were scattered all over the vast scene and the ethereal figure stood under the full blossomed cherry tree. He was in his brown overcoat, and black pants and with that white muffler on, he looked as if he came straight out of some manhwa. I inhaled and exhaled a series of heavy breaths and was now confident to confess to him. Park Sunghoon. My first love.

What to say about me being more embarrassed when he looked in my direction and waved out his hand with a broad smile, the smile that already took my heart and made it his. I waved back with the same sweet aura and took my steps to catch up with him. He's the boy I fell-

That's it. I closed the diary and harshly rubbed off the streaming continuous tears on my face. I couldn't read it anymore. I know what happened after this and I don't regret it because the series of events following this will be the most beautiful moments of my life. But it's still not enough for me to forget what happened after eight months.

I was too wrong to read it again, to hope that I'll get to relive the days of my first love. I should have been aware of the pain it'll bring later on when the diary here won't be able to hold up the amount of pieces my heart broke into that day at the airport.

I was wrong to write everything about him that I felt. In between my writing I should have shrug away the details he made to make me feel loved because what he did later was way more worse than the one could ever imagine.

Tossing to the other side, I questioned myself, "Do I really regret having you as my first love Park Sunghoon?"

Even though knowing well what my answer would be, "Because no matter what you did or what you'll ever do it'll only make me love you more and more."

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